The Replacement
by VeggieBlueRaven
Summary: Goku is an old friend of Bulma's. When her wedding to Yamcha is abruptly called off, she decides to marry a reluctant Goku instead. Now Goku will try anything to get out of saying I do. Can he escape the altar? With Raditz's help, he might. GC&VB NOT GB
1. Chapter 1

An AU, and for the record, I like AUs. If you don't like them then don't read this. You have been warned.

And BTW This is NOT a GokuXBulma story, not in the end any ways. G/C V/B and others.

Summery: A romantic comedy. Goku is the son of a wealthy business man and the long time friend of Ms. Bulma Briefs. When Bulma's wedding engagement to Yamcha is abruptly broken off, she decides to marry a reluctant Goku instead. Now with Raditz's help, Goku will jump through any hoop, and try any antic to get out of saying I do. Unfortunately for Goku, each new plan backfires one after another, dragging our near frantic hero ever closer to the altar. Will a determined blue haired beauty, a homicidal jilted fiancée, and a host of other unusual characters be to much for him? Or does Raditz have a plan? The wedding bells are ringing Son Goku!

I do not own DBZ or any characters affiliated with it. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement and receive no sort of monetary gain from this. Also, this will serve as the disclaimer for the entire story. Deal with it.

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A young man named Goku, well his real name was Kakarott but he preferred to be called Goku, was sitting in the bath tub, busily soaping up a washcloth and singing in his usual loud off key manner. Although he was usually a cheerful, happy-go-lucky sort of fellow, this afternoon found him slightly perturbed. But, this was not with out good reason, of course. His marvelous demeanor was now slightly dampened due to the fact that he was supposed to play host this evening to a couple of his father's business associates.

His father, a successful business man named Bardock, owned a large estate in the country where he would occasionally entertain as guests, those with whom he was negotiating business contracts. Bardock called this practice 'easing the sale,' Goku called it bribing. Goku himself, however, lived in the nearby city in a large comfortable home, paid for by aforementioned father. There he stayed most contentedly with his older brother Raditz. Now, Bardock had recently written and asked Goku to take his most current guests out for dinner that evening, a couple characters by the name of Roshi and Baba.

They were, his father told him, old, boring, creepy, and perverted, to put it nicely. They were also extremely greedy which made business dealings with them very tricky. Bardock, needing a break from the brother sister pair but not wanting to appear rude, decided to shove them off on to his youngest son for the evening. A sound choice as Goku was capable of getting along with most everyone. Unfortunately, for Goku anyways, that didn't mean that he liked everyone. He just tolerated them well.

"Don't let me down son." had been Bardock's last words to him in the letter.

Goku frowned as he gave his already very clean foot another scrub. He and his father got along well, they always had. So when Bardock said not to let him down, you could be sure Goku wouldn't let him down. Now had it been his uncle Turles saying don't let me down, Goku would have immediately told him to go crawl into a hole and stay there. Well, maybe not. Goku was more or less incapable of being intentionally rude, but he definitely would have thought it. None of this though, was going to make his evening any more pleasant. Oh well, at least he would get dinner out of the deal.

Still pouting somewhat over his forced dinner date, Goku heard a light footstep in the hall. His face immediately lit up for such a sound could only mean that, unless of course a burglar had decided to pay him a visit, Raditz had finally returned home from his recent extended vacation.

"Is that you Raditz?"

"You were expecting Cinderella?" came the gruff reply.

"Welcome home! Did you have a good time?"

"It was alright."

"You have to tell me about it later tonight."

"Kakarott did you even check the mail once while I was gone? The box is ready to explode! There's a letter here for you that's more than two weeks old."

"Uh, well, I thought I checked it, guess not." Goku laughed as he reached for a towel. "Who is it from?"

"Vegeta I think."

"Really? I haven't talked to him since he moved south. He's a hunting guide on the savanna now isn't he? What's he writing about?"

"I'm not reading your mail Kakarott. Find out for yourself."

"Come on, I'm still drying off in here. Just give me the gist of it."

"Fine." Raditz tore open the letter and skimmed through it quickly. "It seems he's coming back up North here."

"For a visit?"

"No, permanently. He's looking for a backer for some idea he came up with. It sounds like he's built a new kind of gadget, or drawn up the plans for one, and want's to market it."

"And he want's me to be his backer?"

"I guess."

"Wow, I never knew Vegeta liked me so much! I wonder what his great idea is."

"He doesn't say, but he seems to think it'll pay big." Raditz frowned skeptically at the letter. "And by the way little brother, I don't think he's asking you because he likes you."

"What do you mean?" Goku puzzled as he pulled on his pants. "Why else would he ask me?"

"How many folks do you think he knows that could afford to give him the kind of cash he needs? These things take a lot of money you know." Raditz groaned and then mumbled to himself. "And how many rich people are as gullible as you?"

"How much does he need?" Goku called out from the bathroom.

"He says he'll need about $700,000 zeni just to get started and probably a good bit more later." Raditz read. A loud thump followed by a yelp came from the other room.

"$700,000 zeni!" Goku sputtered as he rubbed a newly acquired bump on his head. "Th-that's a serious amount of money."

Frowning, Goku contemplated the situation for a moment. It did make sense he supposed. If you were trying to raise $700,000 zeni, the first thing you needed was, of course, to find someone who had $700,000 zeni that they were capable of lending. Although his family's money was still controlled by his father, Goku knew, if he really wanted too, he could manage to get the money together for Vegeta. So, perhaps Raditz was right and Vegeta had selected him because he was the logical person to ask, not because he was a friend.

"What do you think Raditz?"

"I think you're an idiot to give that jerk anything."

Goku frowned at the bathroom door. "Aw, don't be like that. Vegeta's a good guy once you get to know him. Besides, I'm his friend."

"Whatever you say Kakarott, the guy doesn't like you." Raditz finally gave up in exasperation.

"You'll see." Goku smiled cheerfully as he opened the door and turned to face his brother. Raditz glanced at his brother and then had to do a double take.

"What on earth are you wearing Kakarott?" Raditz exclaimed in disgust.

"What? Don't you like it? I just had this suit specially made." Goku looked proudly down at his new bright orange suit with dark blue shirt and accessories. "I picked it up from the tailors yesterday."

"I let you move in with me and this is what you do? You look like the ring master at a cheap circus!" Raditz eyed the garments nauseously.

"But I like them. I think these colors look great on me." Goku pouted defensively.

"Those colors don't look great on anyone, Kakarott. Now, I understand why Mother always insisted on choosing your clothes when we would go to the tailors, even once you were an adult. She could have at least warned me." Raditz rubbed his forehead. "Well at least it's just one suit. I suppose I can tolerate that, but you're not wearing that monstrosity anywhere that we might be seen together." With that he turned and walked down the hall.

Smiling happily, Goku turned and walked into his bedroom. Straightening his tie in the mirror, he shot a slightly nervous glance over at his closet. He slowly turned and crossed the room. Opening the closet door, he peered in at all his new treasures. An ocean of bright orange and dark blue freshly made garments greeted him. Well, there was no harm in waiting until tomorrow to tell Raditz that he had actually gotten the tailor to make him whole new wardrobe out of his two favorite colors. Or that he had already disposed of all his old, non-orange, clothing. He'd just let Raditz get used to the suit first, he grinned. He was sure his brother would come around, eventually.

At that moment, the front doorbell rang. He heard Raditz answer it and a moment later call down the hall that he had a visitor. Closing his bedroom door behind him, Goku quickly headed for the living room.

Walking into the room, Goku felt his smile freeze in place. There before him, like some hulking foul tempered bird, stood the last person he had expected to see, and for that matter, the last one he wanted to.

Yamcha.

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This idea has been knocking around in my head for ages now and I just had to let it out. I have this whole story already written so I should up date soon. I would love to hear from you all though so please drop me a line. Reviews are such a delight!

Thank you!

VBR~


	2. Chapter 2

Enjoy and Review!

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There are certain men in the world who just have a knack for making others feel ill at ease, like they possess a strange power of discomfort. For some men, this power is effective against the masses, whereas other men have this power over only a select few. Yamcha was one of these power endowed men, and his capacity, unfortunately, was effective most potently upon Goku. The two could not be in a room together for more than three minutes before Goku would begin shuffling his feet, playing with his clothes, and laughing nervously.

Goku never could really explain why Yamcha made him feel so awkward. He and Yamcha had known each other since childhood, they were even playmates. In a way, Goku still felt he considered Yamcha a friend, a friend whom he felt an almost irrepressible urge to flee from. Something about the other just made Goku sweat. It was too bad really, since for the most part Yamcha was a fairly decent fellow. Well okay, he was rather selfish and pigheaded in ways, but everyone has their faults. It was also well known that he didn't think much of Goku's intelligence and had even suggested that he needed some kind of 'special help.' But he wasn't that bad, really.

Part of it, Goku supposed, was that Yamcha used to be a police officer. At one point he had wanted to become the chief of police. However, that particular career failed to work out for him and he turned to playing professional baseball instead. Although he had only worn the badge for a short time, Goku felt Yamcha had been assigned one too many interrogations. Goku tended to feel like he was a dirty criminal being detained for questioning in connection with some heinous underworld crime when he talked with Yamcha. The "where were you on the night May 12th?" attitude was unnerving even for someone as innocent as Goku. As a result, Goku avoided Yamcha as much as he could and generally preferred him to be somewhere far, far away.

Thus, it was most unsettling for our dear Goku to find this very man standing in his living room. Quickly trying to cover his surprise, Goku greeted the other and offered him a seat.

"That's alright, I won't be here long." Yamcha assured him.

"So, what can I do for ya?" Goku plopped himself down on a large comfy couch.

"I was just coming to see how you were feeling." the other man said while looking innocently at Goku. Too innocently.

"How I'm feeling?" Goku frowned, perplexed. "Just fine I guess."

"Really? How's your temperature?"

"Um, normal I think."

"Color of your tongue?"

"Pink, last time I saw it anyway."

"No muscle cramps?"

"No."

"Headache?"

"No."

"Any stomach trouble?"

"No."

"Coughing? Congestion? How about a sore throat?"

"N-no I'm fine, really." Goku stuttered nervously, already feeling like he was on trial. Apparently, Yamcha was in interrogation mode again today.

"Are you sure? You don't seem very confident there." Yamcha demanded, his voice rough and hard. "You sound a little off you know. And why are you walking around with wet hair? I hear there's bad cold going around; you should really be more careful Goku."

"B-but it's summer time Yamcha! Who gets a cold in the summer?"

"You can always get sick Goku." Yamcha stated as though he were talking to a small child. "How do you expect to win your matches if you don't take care of yourself?"

"Well I -" A light clicked on in Goku's head. So that was it. Yamcha was worried about him winning his matches at to upcoming city tournament. The city held a local fighting championship every year and Goku always entered. This year, Goku was favorite to win as he had been the first runner up in the last tournament and the former champ was not entering this time. But why would Yamcha be so concerned about that? Goku pondered over it for a moment, then it came to him.

Money.

Yamcha must have bet on him to win and now he was feeling nervous about his wager. Goku groaned inwardly, that meant that Yamcha would be watching him like a hawk from now until he got his winnings. The same thing had happened last year; he had hovered over Goku for months. The man was always around like some obsessive nursery maid, commenting on everything from his diet, to his training regime, and even his sleeping habits.

"I can't believe you would take your health so lightly this close to the championship Goku. It's not going to be a walk in the park, I hear that there's some stiff competition this year. Your overconfidence will be your downfall if you're not careful."

"But Yamcha I-"

"Have you seen that other fighter, Nappa? He looks like a force to be reckoned with. I hear he's on an extremely strict training program. He even takes cold bathes every morning. Did you have a cold bath this morning?"

"Of course not! What do you think the hot water and indoor plumbing is for?" Goku exclaimed in abhorrence of the idea. "Who in their right mind jumps out of bed and into a cold bath? Yuck!"

"Goku, you'll never win if you don't start taking this seriously. I heard from Krillin that you two were at a party at Dende's the other night and that you stayed out until three in the morning!"

"They had an all you could eat buffet." Goku defended, pouting like a little boy. "And it was two in the morning not three. Besides, Dende is a friend of mine and I can spend time with him if I like."

"That's no excuse! And from the way you're dressed up now I'm guessing that you're about to go out again to night." Yamcha huffed.

"Yes, I am actually." Goku made a face. "My Father asked me to take a couple of his clients out to dinner. He said they're as old as dragons so I'm afraid my whole evening is going to be a complete bore."

Yamcha perked up a little at this. "But that means that you'll be home at a decent hour." he chirped. "Well then, that's just excellent Goku. But, you should be sure to avoid any really rich foods."

"Uh, sure Yamcha. Have a good evening then." Goku smiled and tried to usher the other man towards the door.

"Oh, I'm not leaving yet Goku."

"You're not?" Goku's smile fell victim an early death.

"No, I'm waiting for Bulma. We're going to have dinner with Piccolo the city judge. Bulma wants to speak with him about arranging for some patents and all that. She was supposed to meet me here but I guess she's running late." he grumbled. "As usual." Goku perked up quite a bit at this tidbit of information.

"Bulma's coming? That's fantastic! I was hoping to see her soon." Goku smiled with genuine excitement and warmth. Bulma was a childhood friend and the closest thing to a sister he had ever had. He quickly lost the smile however, when he caught sight of the dark menacing look on Yamcha's face. Goku quickly recognized this as a sign that he was treading in dangerous waters. It also recalled to his mind the other reason he preferred to avoid Yamcha. Not so very long ago, he had been unwittingly dragged into the man's love life.

It had been an alarming but short lived fiasco for poor Goku. Basically, Yamcha had made a very unwise and degrading joke about one of Bulma's new inventions. Unfortunately, Bulma viewed her inventions almost like her children. So, being a highly spirited girl, she quickly gave Yamcha the boot for his ill word and became engaged to Goku instead. Goku still wasn't clear how that had happened as he had no wish to marry Bulma, but she seemed to like the idea. Of course, stealing a man's fiancée, even if you're trying desperately to give her back, tends to create a lot of bad blood. Yamcha had threatened to do a host of unmentionable things to Goku. He had even taken to waiting around certain areas Goku frequented with a baseball bat, much to Goku's distress.

The situation had become so extreme that Goku had almost completely given up on visiting any of his favorite buffets ever again. Thankfully though, the feelings of affection had rekindled between the broken couple and Goku was once again demoted to the position of 'just a friend.' He was still thanking God daily for that miracle. However, Yamcha had never really forgiven Goku for the whole matter, tending to regard him with suspicion and more than a little jealousy. Now, seeing a green light in the other man's eyes, Goku felt the old familiar apprehension returning.

"Fantastic is it? And just why are you desperate to see her?" Yamcha's eye narrowed.

"Well no, I-I'm … not like that. I just-" Goku's brain raced in circles. Yamcha's countenance continued to lower.

"I would like to know what she thought of my new suit is all!" Goku smiled triumphantly "I mean she knows a lot about fashion and stuff, she could give me a fair opinion. Raditz didn't really care for it. What do you think?"

"It's the ugliest suit I've ever seen."

"Wha-? That wasn't very nice!" Goku cried indignantly. "I happen to like it! I picked these colors out myself."

"Do you own a mirror?"

"Humph, well I don't care what everyone else thinks. I-" Goku was actually starting to get upset when the doorbell rang. A moment later, Raditz walked in with the beautiful Ms. Bulma Briefs at his side.

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XxKuroyoxX: You again?! Lol Just kidding! Thanks for taking a look at this. You forgot who I was?! Oo How could you do that? *pouts* Well now that we both know me, lol, I hope you like this story. I'm quite pleased with it.^_^

And to: SuperSaiyanMiliana, The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule, J.W. Appel, InspiredDelinquent, milk goku, thank you guys so much for reviewing! I am truly flattered. ^.^

Thankies for reading and please be kind and review! ^w^;

VBR~


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy and Review!^^  
**

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Bulma strolled confidently into the room, her appearance perfect as usual. One thing that Goku had to admit was that, had they married, he would have had possibly the loveliest looking bride on the planet. Not that that really made the idea any more appealing, he was still immeasurably glad that the deal fell through.

"You're late." Yamcha grumped at her. "You know how Piccolo hates to be kept waiting." Goku smiled as he stood up to greet her, he knew better than to use that tone with Bulma. She had a temper to rival any man's. He waited for her to hurl some retort back at Yamcha, but it never came. Instead, Bulma's large blue eyes were locked on him with a glow in them that made him break out in a cold sweat. The girl was positively shining.

"Goku! Where did you get that suit? You're absolutely debonair! I've never seen you look so handsome!" she gushed. Her whole body seemed to be quivering with delight from the sight before her.

Whatever Goku had been expecting, it definitely was not this. He felt all the blood drain from his face and his throat suddenly seemed very, very dry. The look Yamcha sent him must have lowered the room's temperature by at least twenty degrees. Some where in the background, he heard a low chuckle come from Raditz who had inconspicuously propped himself up against a wall.

"Well I… I…" he fumbled. Had anyone else said those words, he would have been beaming. But between the way that Bulma was now fussing over him, touching him a little too fondly, and staring at him in a starry eyed manner, Yamcha was about ready to blow a gasket. Goku gulped and tried to change the subject.

"So you two are meeting with Judge Piccolo then, huh?" he laughed nervously. Nobody bothered to answer him.

"Um, how is your newest gadget doing Bulma? I heard that your book is doing well." he tried again.

"It all going wonderfully! They're already talking about printing a second edition." she smiled. "Who knew so many people would want to read a book on the moral obligations and social relationships between scientists and society."

Goku blinked. "Um, yeah."

"And my newest gadget, which I used as an example in my book, is already proving to be a real success!" She beamed.

"That's great Bulma."

"Oh, Goku do you know a man named Vegeta?"

Goku's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Um yeah, I've heard of him. But, I didn't know that you knew him too."

"I met him shortly after the release of my book. He had read it and had some ideas about improvements I could make to one of the machines I discussed. He has some very clever notions." Bulma informed him. A low growl came from Yamcha.

'I guess he doesn't care for Vegeta either.' Raditz thought to himself as he continued to watch the proceedings.

"Actually Goku, we're planning on starting a new enterprise together. He has some designs that will be amazing if we can get them to work and with my lab experience that shouldn't be too hard to do. We even have some land outside the city selected where we want to build all the facilities." Bulma continued. "We would be starting now, only a couple of our backers pulled out at the last minute and now we're short $700,000 zeni."

"You don't say?" Goku fidgeted nervously.

"Yes, I've been frantic about it. Vegeta promised me that he could raise the money, but whoever he had in mind seems to have blown him off. He said he hasn't heard a word from the man in over two weeks." she huffed.

A wave of guilt washed over Goku. "N-no, really?"

"And Vegeta was so sure he would help too. I suppose it was some friend of his he was hoping would help him out in a pinch. I told him it was foolish to ask for all $700,000 zeni from one person. Still, the man could have at least answered him." Bulma ranted on, completely unaware of the extreme discomfort she was inflicting on her friend. "People can be such jerks!" Goku was now wallowing in guilt up to his neck.

"He could have just phoned, stupid letters." he mumbled under his breath, too low for anyone to hear.

"I told you that little hedgehog couldn't do it." Yamcha smirked.

An aura of blue electricity seemed to envelop Bulma and her eyes filled with fire.

"You be quiet Yamcha! I'll have you know that Vegeta is very smart and extremely charming! He will to get that money together! "

Well that was a new one, Goku mused. He had never heard anyone call Vegeta charming before.

"Says who?" Yamcha glared.

"I do! You over grown hairy ignoramus! And Vegeta's quite attractive as well!"

"To other weaseling little rodents maybe."

"Well then, _you_ should like him!"

"The guy is a dimwitted freaky haired troll, dang it! He couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag."

"Well _I _like his hair! Yamcha you take all of that bac-"

"Just forget it! We're already a half hour late, let's go!" Yamcha stormed out with Bulma glowering after him.

Completely dazed, Goku watched the two go before collapsing back onto the sofa. He sat for several moments, replaying their out burst in his mind. He didn't have to be a detective to figure out the couple's relationship was rather strained as of late. Those two had never been very well suited to one another. However, what really had him concerned was that the demise of their less than promising romance would present some harrowing prospects for himself. Namely, marriage. A cold chill slowly stole over him.

"Raditz?"

"Yes Kakarott?"

"I'm thoroughly doomed aren't I?" a frightened Goku trembled.

"In more ways than one." Raditz nodded. "By the sound of things, I'd say the chances of those two making it to the altar are about as good as Uncle Turles finding a bride or Dad deciding to become a farmer. And of course, if Bulma opts to give Yamcha the boot again, she'll most likely come running back to you."

"No! I can't marry her!" Goku whimpered. "Last time we were engaged, she made me go to all these long seminars, then she yelled at me when I fell asleep. She wouldn't let me read my comic books, instead she gave me this big book by some guy named Shakespeare and told me that I needed to start feeding my soul. I said that feeding my stomach tended to take up enough of my time already, then she yelled at me again." Goku continued to moan. "And she was always going on about her work and using all these long confusing words."

"I agree with you, little brother." Raditz sighed sympathetically. "A fellow with your particular disposition and mental capacity would be best off giving all brainy girls like Bulma a wide berth."

Goku nodded his head sullenly. He knew Raditz wasn't really trying to insult him, Goku wasn't stupid but he was no genius either and his brother made a good point. Girls like Bulma and him were not a good match up.

"And of course, that was just while the two of you were engaged." Raditz continued. "If you were to actually get married, I'm sure Bulma wouldn't rest until she had molded you into the worlds newest intellectual and had you spouting of theories on trans-dimensional shifts and their effects on whale migration patterns or some other nonsense."

A feeling of dread washed over Goku and he blanched in horror at the thought. "She'll… she'll kill me Raddy." he choked. "I'm too young to die. There's too many desserts I never got to try."

"Well, I don't think you would literally die, Kakarott. But, she would probably mess you up fairly bad psychologically." Raditz chuckled. "I'll admit the idea of you turning into some kind of scholar is pretty disturbing."

"I like the way I am! I don't want to be molded." Goku despaired and gave a self pitying sob.

That evening Goku took his father's guest out for dinner, but for once he hardly ate. He was too preoccupied with worrying about his future. Plus, his company for the meal left a lot to be desired. The brother and sister were every bit as creepy and boring as his father had told him. The old man spent most of the evening trying to grab one of the passing waitresses and Baba sat like some ancient crow and talked about how much everything cost all evening. Thus, Goku was incredibly happy to finally get home that evening.

Raditz watched as his younger brother slowly came in and made his way to his bedroom. He wasn't the world's best older brother, but, he did try to look out for his sibling. After all, whenever Goku landed himself in a mess, someone had to help him get out. God knew Goku wouldn't be able to get himself out, and the guy attracted trouble like you wouldn't believe. Unfortunately for Raditz, that savior like, kind hearted, and heroic _someone_ was usually him. Alright, so he was stretching it a bit but still, you get the picture. A loud thump came from upstairs followed by a crash and a yelp of pain. Perfect, and he had just had such a nice vacation too.

"Raditz?" a yell came down the hall. With a groan, Raditz headed for Goku's room. He swore there was no one in the world more accident prone than his younger brother.

"What did you break now?" he asked as he opened the door.

"Heh, I sort of knocked my wardrobe over on accident." Goku grinned sheepishly up at Raditz. He was currently buried in the midst of a pile of broken furniture and clothing. "A little help please?" he pleaded. Raditz reached down and helped him extract himself from the debris.

"Whew! Sorry about the furniture Raddy." Goku apologized, his brother didn't respond. "Uh, Raddy, did you hear me? Raddy?" A horrified look adorned his brother's face.

It was then that Goku noticed his sibling's attention was fixed on the floor, particularly on the clothes strewn across said floor. Bright orange and dark blue garments liberally adorned the wooden panels. Goku's eyes widened and he bolted from the room at top speed. He had just reached the front door when he heard Raditz bellowing after him.

"Kakarott!"

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Thanks for the reviews J.W. Appel, The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule, XxKuroyoxX!

Lol, you will find out the answers soon! ^-^

Hope you're all starting to get your bearings with this story. ^^

Now you all know what to do! Push ta Button!

Thankies!

VBR~

Oh and for those of you wondering, I am currently working on the next chapter for Tempas Terror so no worries. But I do have an aweful case of writers block on Saiyan Interview at the moment. Uhg. x_x*


	4. Chapter 4

**Enjoy and please review!**

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The next morning, Goku had more or less forgotten all of yesterday's events and was once again without woe or care. Upon rising, he had immediately rung up Vegeta promising to get him his $700,000 zeni as soon as possible. Vegeta seemed quite pleased by this, although he did give Goku an earful for taking so long to get back to him on the matter. After hanging up, Goku proceeded to the kitchen in high spirits. This jovial mood might have lasted all day, if not for the ringing of a certain door bell, namely Goku's.

It was still fairly early and he had just finished a very quiet breakfast. It was quiet due to the fact that Goku was trying not to attract any of Raditz's attention. His brother had not yet forgiven him for his recent fashion crimes. After tip toeing out of the kitchen, a boxer clad Goku was headed down the hall when he heard the whimsical little tune that informed him he had a caller.

Ignoring the fact that he was only wearing his underwear and a cotton shirt, Goku cheerfully went to answer the door. Upon opening it though, Goku's spirits hit the floor. There before him stood Yamcha, a sinister, snarling, enraged Yamcha. His face was flushed and his nostrils flared with anger. Goku had never seen the other man this riled up before and it wasn't a pretty sight. Without waiting for an invitation, Yamcha stormed past him and into the living room. Wide eyed, Goku closed the door and stumbled after him.

"H-hi there Yamcha!" He greeted the other man.

"Don't you 'hi there' me you insufferable simpleton!" Yamcha yelled.

Goku stared at him, completely bewildered.

"Y-Yamcha?"

"I ought to break your neck! You thieving devil." Yamcha was quivering with rage. His hands clenched so tight Goku could see blood starting to trickle between them.

"What did I do?"

"As if you don't know."

"If I did I wouldn't have to ask."

"You and your blasted suit." Yamcha hissed.

"Excuse me?" Goku looked at him in confusion.

"That monstrosity you were wearing the other night. Why did you buy it?"

"Oh." Comprehension dawned on Goku. "Well, I don't know. I just like those colors is all."

"And was that your only reason? Or did you have something else in mind?"

"Something else? Like what?" Goku blinked.

"Like stealing Bulma from me! That's what!"

Goku gaped at his irate visitor. Here he was, standing in his own living room, in his underwear no less, being accused of trying to steal another man's fiancée. He wasn't the type to be easily offended but this was down right rude. It was eight o'clock in the morning for pity's sake.

"I'm afraid you lost me." he confessed.

"After we had dinner with Judge Piccolo last night, I took Bulma for a walk through the park. You know what she talked about the whole time? That hideous getup of your's, that's what. When all of a sudden, she pulls aside and looks me up and down. Then she tells me she thinks I should get a suit like that! That I wouldn't embarrass her in public so much if I would by some half decent attire." Yamcha explained as he wrestled to control his emotions.

"Well, I nev-" Goku began.

"I told her there was no way I was wearing some clown suit." Yamcha cut him off. Goku frowned at being interrupted and then at his beloved attire being insulted. Yamcha, however, continued on. "Then, she said when a man naturally looks like half drowned shaggy haired dog he should be willing to take the time to dress up a bit."

"But, I thought that Bulma liked dogs?"

"Shut up!"

"Right, sorry."

"Insane woman! It would be a relief to society, she told me, if I were to start looking in the mirror before I left the house. Then, she added that just because I was a second-rate athlete in some barbaric sport, it didn't mean I had to behave like a foul tempered Neanderthal."

"Well you are a second rate-" Goku started to reply but then clapped his hand over his mouth to stop himself from finishing his sentence. He suddenly remembered a similar occasion where he had made an innocent, but imprudent, remark. Raditz had afterward informed him that not every thought entering his head should be shared. That was probably one of those thoughts. Fortunately, Yamcha seemed to busy brooding to have heard.

"Then one thing lead to another and before long we were screaming our lungs out at one another. Next thing I knew, she chucked her ring at my head and told me go jump off a bridge."

"Well, that wasn't very nice." Goku gave him a sympathetic look.

"No kidding." Yamcha grit his teeth. "And all of this is because of you!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you! You and your crafty, deceptive, twisted brain. You planned this whole thing didn't you?"

"No! I would never do something like that. Besides, I'm not crafty." Goku frowned, feeling somewhat affronted.

"Well, I suppose that's true." Yamcha turned the thought over in his mind. "You are rather dull." Goku was about to protest this remark when it occurred to him it might be best to let it slide.

"Raditz is pretty clever though. He could have helped you." Yamcha's eyes darkened again.

"Raditz would never try to split you and Bulma up. Plus, he hates my new suit more than anyone. He threatened to throw me out because of it last night."

"Perhaps, you're right. You must have done this all on your own. When Bulma walked in last night, your whole face lit up. You were waiting to see if your plan would really work!" Yamcha accused him.

"That's ridiculous! I was just happy to see her!" Goku held up his hands defensively.

"Sure, you just keep saying that." Yamcha said, suddenly looking incredibly defeated and tiered. "Some friend you turned out to be Goku." With that, he turned around and left. Feeling completely bewildered, Goku flopped down on the sofa.

"Well that was curious." A voice from the doorway spoke.

"Raddy? How long have you been standing there?" Goku looked up at him.

"Long enough."

"He thinks that I meant for this to happen. It's all because of that silly suit. I almost wish I had never gotten that thing."

"It's poetic justice if you ask me." Raditz chuckled. "It serves you right for getting a whole wardrobe made out of those blasted awful colors."

"That's mean, Raddy." Goku pouted. Raditz was about to reply when the phone rang. He quickly left to answer it, leaving Goku to mope in the living room. A moment later he returned.

"It Bulma. She wants to talk to you." He announced. Curious, Goku picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Goku? I hope this isn't a bad time."

"No, you're fine. What did you need?"

"Listen, something awful happened between me and Yamcha last night. We broke up and now I'm so upset. Staying in this apartment is making me even more depressed, I need to get out and do something. I was wondering if you would pick me up and we could go somewhere. Then, we could go for lunch later. Come on, please?" she pleaded.

"Well, I guess I could do that." Goku smiled. "I'll be round in a bit."

"Splendid! Thank you so much, Goku! I'll make a reservation for us at the café." Bulma chirped happily before hanging up.

Goku hung up the phone with a goofy grin and turned to get dressed.

"Kakarott?" Raditz stopped him.

"Yeah?"

"You just agreed to take Bulma out for a lunch date, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Do you recall the angry jilted fiancée, otherwise known as Yamcha, who was yelling at you in our living room this morning?"

"Yes."

"Whom you spent some minutes trying to convince that you were not out to steal his lover."

"Y-yes."

"And now, twenty minutes later you're making a date with her. How do you think he's going to view that?"

"It's not like that Raditz! You know I don't feel like that about Bulma!" Goku exclaimed.

"I know, but he doesn't." Raditz smirked. "And why, exactly, do you think Bulma called you up? Why would a recently freed, unattached, woman call up her former fiancée and ask him to take her out on a date?" Goku's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as Raditz meaning finally sunk in.

"Oh, crap."

* * *

**Opps, Goku you silly boy. ^^**

**Please review everyone, you make my day when you do!  
**

**Thank you  
**

**VBR~**

The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule: Thanks! Yeah, Goku has quite a time in this story.

XxKuroyoxX: Glad you like it. Yeah I'm still in a writing slump, fortunately I have this story already written.

Konoha Ninja 123 : Thank you, I hope you like this chap. too. ^^

J.W. Appel: O__O Gah! How could you?! Lol Well to each his own I suppose. I prefer to stick with canon pairings myself. ^^


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the nice reviews! They make me so happy.^^ Read and enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

A short time later, Goku found himself escorting the lovely, unattached, Bulma Briefs to her favorite café for lunch. A charming establishment, its starry-eyed, hopelessly romantic owner had worked hard to make everything about it perfect. It was quiet, out of the way, and just right for a romantic lunch date between two young lovers. At least, that's what Bulma thought as she walked through the front door. Unfortunately, the second half of her 'two young lovers' fantasy was thinking of anything but romance at the moment. Actually, he was mainly focused on the mouth watering dessert display that greeted them as they walked in.

"Isn't this just perfect Goku? They have amazing food here. Yamcha used to-" Bulma cut herself off abruptly and frowned, realizing who she had started to talk about. She was here to enjoy herself, not reminisce about that idiot. Looking back at Goku, she simply said, "Never mind."

Concerned by Bulma's behavior, Goku looked Bulma over. No, he didn't look her over in _that_ manner. But for the first time that day he truly noted her appearance. Her lips were thin and compressed, her eyes had a hard edge to them, and her over all demeanor was far more subdued than normal. In short, Bulma Briefs was ticked. Goku saw her tapping her foot impatiently while the waitress brought their drinks. Oh yes, she was very ticked.

Great, he thought. How was he supposed to work with this? If the mere passing thought of Yamcha was enough to rile her up so, how was he supposed to talk to her about the man? Before leaving, Raditz had suggested that maybe Goku could use the opportunity to help Yamcha and Bulma patch things up. As the break was still fresh, it was possible a little compassionate listening and tactful prodding could coerce a reconciliation between the two parties. However, Bulma wasn't exactingly giving off a very forgiving vibe. Goku would almost swear he could see the words 'burn and die you scum sucking jerk" radiating off her at the mention of Yamcha's name. Oh, this was going to be fun, he thought sarcastically.

Goku surveyed his surroundings. Considering his objective, he could have done with a less cheerful setting. Happy, upbeat love songs were playing in the background. The room was brightly lit by the noonday sun and decorated with jovial colors. All in all, the exact opposite of what he needed at the moment. Goku would have much preferred dimmer lighting and more subdued depressing tones. Also, a few 'love fell apart she broke my heart' tunes, full of male expressions of sorrow and repentance, would have been immensely appreciated.

Deciding that it would be best to ease into the subject, Goku began asking Bulma about various everyday things. She was soon laughing and smiling, seemingly in much better spirits than before. Feeling it was now or never, Goku prepared to give her the works.

"You know, I saw Yamcha this morning," he began.

"Oh." Bulma replied flatly.

"He was awfully upset."

"Really."

"I never saw him so worked up."

"Really."

"He wasn't himself at all."

"Oh."

If Raditz had showed up and asked Goku how he was doing just then, Goku would have told him he had laid a stymie. If Bulma's voice had held any less interest or concern, it would have frozen her words in mid air. Never one to give up though, Goku pressed on.

"He looked as if he might do something dangerous. It would be terrible if anything were to happen."

"It would only be terrible if you were fond of Yamchas." Bulma returned coldly.

'Or fond of Gokus,' her companion thought as he recalled Yamcha's threats against his person.

"Aren't you fond of them?" Goku persisted.

"No. I am much happier without any Yamchas around to bother me."

"But, you two have known each other since you were kids. Why throw all that away over one little tiff?" Goku cried in exasperation.

Bulma paused and gave Goku a careful look. "I suppose you're right, Yamcha and I have been friends for years. It would be a shame to waste that."

"Exactly!" Goku chirped, pleased he was finally making headway.

"Perhaps after things calm down a bit, I'll ask him if we can still be friends." She smiled softly. "That actually sounds really nice."

"F-friends?" Goku stuttered.

"Of course, you're absolutely right. There's no reason we have to loose our friendship just because things didn't work out romantically between us."

"O-oh, I see." He gulped. This was not going according to plan.

Setting her food aside, Bulma sent him an adoring look.

"You really are something Goku."

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously, not liking the glow in her eyes.

"I know what you've been doing Goku, and I think it's incredibly sweet of you. You're so noble and kind. This whole time you've been trying to get me and Yamcha to patch things up. Everybody says you're a little slow but I've never met anyone more tenderhearted." She sighed.

Goku blushed, more out of embarrassment that she had seen through him so easily than anything else. She wasn't taking this quiet right; he had to fix this somehow before things got any worse. Not to mention he, wait, what did she mean _everybody_?

"You want to marry me, don't you Goku?" She continued flirtatiously, saying it as if she had caught a little boy being naughty.

Goku quickly shoved another forkful of pie into his mouth. He didn't want to hurt Bulma's feelings or her pride, both equally sensitive, by flatly denying her. But, he couldn't lie and say he had feelings for her when he didn't.

"Well, who wouldn't want to marry someone like you Bulma?" he swallowed finally, laughing nervously.

"Oh Goku, I've known since we were children that you were in love with me." she beamed at him. "All those long looks you used to give me, and all those times I would see you gazing off into the distance."

"I was probably just wondering when lunch would be ready, actually." he defended innocently. "Were you holding a cookie at the time?"

"Goku," she giggled, "I-"

An abrupt shout cut her off as two heavily armed gunmen burst into the café. Based on the sirens accompanying their arrival, coupled with the fact that there was almost no point in robbing a place like the café, the men were apparently fleeing from the police. Desperate to escape, they had simply run into the nearest building in search of a hiding place. In less than a second, all of the diners were crouched on the floor along side the staff.

"Oh God, this can't be happening." Bulma cried as one of the men shot off a round of bullets and ordered them to remain on the floor. "I'm too young and pretty to die."

"It'll be okay," Goku assured her. "just stay down. I'll take care of this."

"But how-"

"Shh." Goku put his fingers to his lips.

"Lock the back door!" one of the men shouted to his companion. Nodding, the second man ran through the tables on his way to the back. As he passed Goku and Bulma's table however, Goku shoved out his foot. The result of this simple action was that the would-be-bandit took the tumble of a lifetime, receiving a nasty concussion along the way. The man's uppermost extremity connected soundly with the oak table and he fell unconscious to the floor.

"What the heck? Pai?" the other man raced over to his partner. As he knelt to shake his fallen counterpart, Goku sent a neat uppercut slamming into the man's jaw. Without any ceremony or fuss, the second man joined his companion in the land of dreams.

For a moment, silence filled the room. No one was quiet sure what had just happened. Were they really safe now? Then, the police rushed in through the back door, stopping to stare in confusion at the sight which greeted them. Goku stood in front of the two unconscious men with one hand placed behind his head and a goofy grin on his face.

"Gosh, I hope I didn't hurt them too much." he laughed apprehensively.

"That young man just saved us!" an old woman shouted from the corner. That was all it took for the whole room to break out in applause and cheers.

"Goku you did it!" Bulma leapt up excitedly and embraced him.

"It was nothing." Goku chuckled good naturedly. "I just got a couple of lucky shots in."

Now that the danger had passed, a group of reporters seemed to materialize in front of Goku out of thin air. A frenzy of cameras began flashing nonstop as Goku found himself being bombarded with questions and engulfed by the press.

"Did you have this planned all along?"

"Do you work for the police?"

"How did you find the courage to act?"

"How tall are you?"

"Who are you?"

Bulma held up her hand commandingly to silence the reporter's questions.

"His name is Goku Son." she smiled proudly at them. "He saved all of our lives today and he's a hero."

Shouts of agreement came from the crowd as Bulma turned to face Goku.

"He's _my_ hero!" she declared. Then, before Goku even had time to blink, she grabbed a hold of his collar and kissed him. Goku's eyes flew open wide as the reporter's cameras flashed with renewed vigor.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. I would enjoy hearing from you all. ^^**

**Take care,**

**VBR~**

**P.s. Yes, I know Son is not Goku's last name, but I needed to use something! Please forgive me. ^^;;  
**

clueless788 : Thank you! He'll show up eventually but not for a while. But I won't wait to long, after all, I love Veggie-kins!  
Leadx :Yay! Thank you. ^^ I hope you continue to follow this story. This is the first time I've really tried to write a fic with Goku as the main focus so I'm relieved you think he is in character. Enjoy the update.^^  
xXgokusqueenXx : Thank you!  
Vegeta: thanks and enjoy!  
SuperSaiyanMiliana : thank you so much! Yes this is really almost a Goku torture fic huh? He's just so accident prone.^^ lol who says he's getting out of it? Just kidding. Don't worry it will all work out right in the end! I can't have Goku _really_ marry Bulma, yuck!  
XxKuroyoxX : yeah well that's Goku, lol. I totally agree.^^  
The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule : thanks! I'm glad you think so. ^^ hope you like this one.  
J.W. Appel: Thank you, lol I'm not upset. Really it would take a lot more than that to upset me. But it's nice that you're so polite.^^ Yeah, I know some people really like noncanon parings but it's just not my thing. Yes, I've seen that fan manga before, pretty sweet! There are some really cool fan mangas out there. They can be hard to find though. "Why hasn't the Saiyan from Hyrule updated in months?" Ummmm, I don't have an answer for that one. Oo;; lol take care! PS. I did so because I was having some problems with it and a few of the folks on here. Sorry, I know you liked it. :'(


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Goku had never been one for drinking; his brain had enough trouble working as it was. But based on his behavior this morning, Raditz could have sworn his little brother had a hangover. He was currently standing at the foot of Goku's bed with a dictionary in his hand, trying to coax the mass beneath the blankets into getting up. So far, all he had gotten by way of response was a series of agonized moans and a lot of whining.

"You can't stay under there forever, Kakarott." Raditz sighed as he prodded a nearby lump. Hum, nope. Not a head. A knee maybe?

"Watch me." Goku childishly replied in a muffled voice. The normally cheerful young man was now fully intent upon spending the entire day wallowing in self pity. And, where better to do this than in the comfort of his very own bed? No matter how much Raditz bugged him, he wasn't moving from this spot all day! Unless, he got really hungry or he had to pee. His stomach grumbled slightly. Okay so he'd be up soon, but he was going right back to bed after he finished eating!

"Kakarott, you can't lie in bed wallowing in self-pity all day."

Dang! How did Raditz know what he was planning?

"Yes I can. Beds were built to be wallowed in!" Goku asserted.

"Funny, I thought they were built to be slept in."

"Shut up." Goku mumbled.

"So you messed up a little, it's not that bad yet." Raditz tried to reassure him.

A small sniff and a whimper came from under the blanket. Raditz frowned at another lump of bedding. This one perhaps?

Poke.

Finger jab results: negative. No cranium present in lump.

Dang it, where was Kakarott's head?

"She kissed me Raddy." Goku nearly sobbed.

Raditz sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"A kiss is not a promise of marriage, little brother."

"Don't try and sugar coat this Raditz! I'm a doomed man! My head is on the chopping block now and it's just a matter of time until the ax falls!" Goku shouted. Raditz saw one of the far lumps move slightly.

Target sighted, he smirked as he took aim.

"It's not like-" Goku started to continue but he was cut off when an airborne dictionary, traveling with a good deal of force, connected with his skull. "E-yow!"

Goku could hear Raditz laughing as he clutched his wounded appendage.

"What did you do that for?" He yelled at his older brother in a frustrated tone. With one swift tug, the still chuckling Raditz ripped the covers off of the bed. Goku gave a yelp of protest.

"Kakarott, you should at least have the decency to look at me when we're talking. Now be a man and get your sorry hide out of that bed before I drag you out."

"No!"

"You know, if you didn't always insist on being a hero, this never would have happened."

"They were bad guys Raddy I had to stop them." Goku pouted as he sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the mattress.

"Yes well, Fate lets no good deed go unpunished."

"What does that mean?" Goku cocked his head to the side.

"Forget it, come have some breakfast." Raditz coaxed. Food was always an effective motivator when it came to Goku. It was unbelievable, Raditz thought, what his younger brother would do for his stomach.

"No." Goku crossed his arms stubbornly. Not even the promise of a hot breakfast was moving him today.

Interesting, Raditz blinked, Kakarott must really be upset. Not to worry though, he always came prepared. Raditz grinned slyly as he played his trump card. "There are pancakes waiting."

Goku's eyes shot wide and a little bit of drool started to run from the corner of his mouth. He tried to cling to his determination to remain in bed moping, but now his resolve was starting to slip. "P-pancakes?"

"Yep."

"You mean with syrup and butter and stuff?"

"Of course."

Goku licked his lips slowly. "And are they shaped like little teddy bears?"

"Yes." Raditz groaned. Why did his brother have to be so weird? He didn't see how the shape of the pancakes could possibly affect their flavor, but according to Kakarott it did. Apparently, pancakes tasted even better when they were made to look like tiny stuffed animals. "Maybe I was adopted." Raditz mumbled to himself.

"Yippee!" Goku sprang from his bed, his spirits soaring once again. At that moment, the phone rang. Without a second thought, Goku picked it up, completely ignoring Raditz's frantic signals to let it go.

"Hello there! This is me here, who are you?" He piped cheerfully, and loudly, into the device.

"Dang it, Kakarott! That's not how I taught you to answer a phone!" A strong feminine voice thundered back at him. "Where the hell are your manners?"

"Mother?" Goku blinked in surprise as he rubbed his assaulted ear. His mother, Fasha, had an unmistakable voice. A petite woman, she had a hearty generous spirit and a strong set of vocal cords that didn't altogether match her light frame. She also had a fiery nature that could make any man quail before her when she let go. Kindhearted, motherly, and as tough as nails, she was well loved by her mate and sons. But, she was also somewhat feared.

"Of course it's me, you knucklehead." she growled. "If you don't know your own mother's voice-"

"Sorry mother." Goku laughed, cutting her off. "I'm just confused as to why you're calling."

"Since when do I need a reason to call my baby boy?"

"Well, I…" Goku blushed.

"And anytime one of my boys gets a girlfriend and I have to find out about it through the morning paper, you're dang right he'll be hearing from me!" Fasha scolded.

In truth, there had been a regular fiasco at the Son mansion that morning at breakfast. Bardock and his wife had opened the paper to find that the front page was sporting a full-color picture of Bulma Briefs kissing their youngest son. Both had been rendered speechless since, the last they had heard anyways, Bulma was engaged to marry Yamcha. Fasha, though, soon found her tongue and gave her poor husband as earful about needing to keep better tabs on his sons. She wasn't really mad at Bardock of course, she was just a little upset that the papers seemed to know more about her children than she did at the moment. The unfortunate Bardock just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The unlucky man had had to take several aspirin after she was through with him. Fasha told herself she would have to remember to apologize for the whole ordeal later.

"Say what?" Goku frowned into the phone. As he had spent most of the morning hiding from reality, he hadn't seen the paper yet. Raditz had been saving that little surprise until after breakfast.

"Oh honey, why didn't you tell us you and Bulma were back together? Here your father and I had to read all about it in the paper at breakfast. You really should have called and told us sooner. We're so happy for you kids. Bulma's such a nice girl; Yamcha was a terrible match for her." Fasha said, switching over to her warmest motherly tone. "Although, I'm kind of surprised that you would go for a girl like that, Kakarott."

Unfortunately, neither of Goku's parents were aware of his true feelings, or lack there of, for the blue haired beauty.

"But, mother we're not really-"

"She just seems a bit brainy for you."

"What do you mean by that?" Goku huffed indignantly.

"Sorry, that didn't come out right, but you know what I mean. Anyways, I've already talked to Bulma this morning, and she told me the whole story."

"Sh-she did?" Goku paled. This couldn't be good.

"Yup, the girl is practically on cloud nine. But that's not the only reason I'm calling, I want you and Raditz both to be here by tomorrow." Fasha told him.

"You mean come home for a visit?"

"No, I want you to come home for a couple of rabies shots." She said sarcastically, "Of course, I want you to visit!"

Most regrettably, sarcasm was almost always lost on Goku.

"Rabies shots?" he screamed in terror.

"God bless it all, Kakarott! I think my eardrums are bleeding!" Fasha winced. "I was joking you goon! Your father and I want you to come and stay for a while."

"Oh, whew." Goku wiped the sweat from his brow. "Okay, we can do that I guess."

"Besides, if you don't get out here soon, I'm going to have to murder that arrogant, Cain raising, son of a gun." His mother growled.

"You lost me again." Goku puzzled.

"Sweetheart, you're always lost." she sighed. "I'm talking about Vegeta. He's been here for a couple of days now and, to be blunt, he's a nuisance. I need you to come keep him busy and out of our hair for a while."

"No problem, he's really not so bad once you get to know him." Goku smiled.

"Normally, he doesn't bother me; I like a boy with plenty of spirit." Fasha admitted. "But, something has him in an especially sour mood lately. He's been teaching the staff a new definition of the word terror. The poor maids and the cook are practically beside themselves. Even your father is having a hard time dealing with him."

"Huh, I wonder what's bothering Vegeta. But, why is he there anyways?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because someone promised him $700,000 zeni?" his mother said dryly.

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that." Goku chuckled.

"This may come as news to you darling, but lending someone that kind of money takes a lot of paper work." Fasha smiled into the phone. Although her son's naive nature could be irritating at times, she couldn't help but love him for it. There was something just too endearing about it. She continued, "And, since you made the deal with Vegeta, you have to be the one to fill out all the forms."

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad." Goku said nervously. "It's not too complicated right?"

"I'm sure your father or Raditz will give you a hand if you need it." she assured him. Goku let out a breath of relief, there was no 'if' about it.

"So you two will be here by tomorrow then right?" she inquired.

"Sure thing." Goku smiled.

After exchanging goodbyes with Fasha, he hung up the phone and made his way to the kitchen. As promised, he was greeted by heaps of piping hot teddy bear shaped pancakes.

"Hello my lovelies." Goku cooed. In seconds, he was immersed in syrupy goodness and stuffing his face in contentment. As Goku was plowing his way through his sixth helping, he barely even noticed the telephone ring a second time. A moment or two later, Raditz walked in and handed the receiver to him.

"Who is it?" Goku asked as he choked down his current mouthful. There was a mischievous twinkle in Raditz eye that he found a bit unnerving, to say the least.

"The ax." Raditz smirked as he tossed him the phone and walked out.

* * *

**Sorry for the wait and the lousy chapter, I needed it to explain a couple things later.^^;; Anyway, life is really crazy right now. X.X But there's plenty of exciting, insane developments soon, I promise.^_^;;  
**

**Anywho, thanks for reading and please leave me a review. ^^ They help brighten my day. :3  
**

**VBR~**

_Coming soon in ch.7: Troubles with Bulma, troubles with Yamcha, troubles with Vegeta! Oh, poor Goku. ^.^ And what's Fasha up to now??? O.o_

* * *

XxKuroyoxX:_ Muwahaha! Goku torture is fun. ^w^ Things get so, so, sooo, much worse before they get better though. Lol  
_  
The Better Side:_ Thank you so much! I try to keep my writing fairly lighthearted in this. I'm really glad you like my story. I have a lot of fun with this piece. Well, now you know. Lol, Veggie comes in in the next chapter when they get to the Sons' house. I'm an overly obsessed V/B fanatic as well.^^ And yes Chichi will show up. Even Turles and a few others will pop in for a while. Lol, I have to admit Goku's fun.  
_  
The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule: _It is? Wow, I though it was just some sort of Japanese form of address for young men or something. O.O Thanks, lol. Oh, Goku has a heap of trouble coming down the line. *evil grin*  
_  
clueless788:_ Yes, yes he will. -.- *nods sagely* lol, Yammies is a little ooc for the first part of this, but he comes around in the end.^^ Sorry for the wait. XO_

SuperSaiyanMiliana:_ lol, yeah. I just love it! *evil laugh* How? Hehehe, I'll tell you in the next chapter. ^^  
_  
Leadx : _Thank you. ^^ Weeellll, you'll find out really soon. Lol ^^  
_  
J.W. Appel: _Um, I'm confused. What repost? O.o_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7

* * *

**Goku eyed the phone with distrust. Raditz had a real streak of Uncle Turles in him, he thought. Well, there was nothing else for it. Gingerly, he picked up the device and took a deep breath.

"Hello?" he said apprehensively.

"Goku darling!" Bulma squealed. "Has your mother called yet?"

Goku frowned in confusion. "Er, yes. I talked to her just a few minutes ago."

"Oh good, so you can pick me up tomorrow?" she asked.

Goku felt a wave of sweet, heaven sent, relief wash over him. God bless his mother for insisting he and Raditz come home for a visit. His parents' country home was out in the 409-mountain area, miles from any town or city. In short, by tomorrow, he would be far beyond Bulma's clutches and safe from any matrimonial lasso's she might try to hog-tie him with. He would be safe in his mother's arms, literally. Yes, Fate was smiling on him now.

"I'm sorry Bulma, but I won't be able to do anything with you for a while. You see, my mother want's my brother and I to come home for a visit. I don't even know when we'll be back." Goku informed her, doing his best to sound regretful. Having delivered this distressing tidbit to Bulma, he quietly waited for her to start sniffling, or possible yelling, and telling him how sad his absence would make her. Actually, he already had a few good lines worked up to help comfort her. Oh yeah, he was on a roll. However, he never got the chance to use his comforting little sentiments.

Bulma gave what is commonly known as a rippling laugh upon hearing Goku's reply.

"Oh darling, didn't she tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Goku asked nervously.

"That I'm coming with you, you silly goose." she chuckled.

"What?" Goku screeched and nearly dropped the phone. His mother had most definitely _not_ told him that. He paled and felt an almost over powering wave of nausea grip him.

"Yes, I'm going to be staying with you and your family for awhile. It was all your mother's idea really. But, I figured that since we were both going we could ride there together. It'll be so romantic! We could stop and have a picnic on the way up. Doesn't that sound like a great idea? " The overly cheerful young woman gushed.

"We can't!" Goku exclaimed.

"We… can't?" Bulma repeated slowly, in total confusion. "But, why not?"

Yes, why not? Goku's brain screamed at him. Why? He didn't know why, he thought frantically. Okay, so he really did know why. But, there were some things you just didn't say to a girl, and 'We can't go on a picnic because you're a crazy, man-eating, lunatic, who scares the daylights out of me and I don't want to be alone with you,' was unquestionably one of them.

"Well?" she insisted, growing impatient with his prolonged silence.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn't tell her the truth, and he stunk at lying. Forget smiling at him, Fate was tossing him headfirst into a giant universe-sized dumpster and slamming the lid shut.

"Goku." a low warning growl came through the receiver. Goku gulped; he was trapped. Apparently, there was also a fat hobo sitting on top of the lid of said dumpster, holding it colsed. Fate had probably slipped him a fiver to stay there and make sure Goku couldn't get out. Hum, Goku wondered, was there such a thing as a fat hobo?

"GOKU!" Bulma snapped, her temper beginning to flare.

Right! Focus Goku! He shook his head. He could contemplate the existence of overweight displaced persons later; right now he had to… to…

"Um, I'm sorry Bulma. What were we talking about?" Goku blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"Picnics." she hissed, her death hold on the phone tightening.

"Oh, r-right." Goku stammered. Shoot, all that and he still didn't have a good answer.

"Well, we can't go on a picnic because…because…" his looked around frantically for a reason, desperately hoping an excuse might just magically pop out of a half eaten pancake or a syrup bottle. Then, inspiration struck! Or rather, it walked in through the door, in the form of none other than his dear brother Raditz.

"Because Raditz will be riding with us too." Goku smiled happily. There, he hadn't had to lie, but he still came up with a good excuse. Fate was back on his side.

Raditz cocked his head to the side and sent him a curious look. What was Kakarott up to?

"Oh." Bulma blinked, having Raditz along would definitely put a damper on the whole romance bit. However, she wasn't about to let her great idea die so easily. "Well, he can come along too. It won't be as romantic with him there." she admitted. Then, she added in a silky voice, "But, I sure we can still manage to have _some _fun."

Alarm bells went off in every corner of Goku's head.

"No!" he shouted. "Raditz hates picnics!"

"No, I don't." Raditz frowned at his little brother.

"Why does he hate picnics?" Bulma asked in disbelief.

"Ants! The ants, they get all over the place. They drive him nuts." Goku fibbed. His eyes were wide, his hands and brow were sweating, and his knees were feeling weak. Man, lying made him nervous.

"But I was going to bring bug spray-" The blue-haired woman began, but Goku hastily cut her off.

"You know that stuff never works." he insisted. "Besides, it's not just the ants. He can't stand woodland creatures."

"Woodland creatures? Like what, squirrels?" a bewildered Bulma asked.

Raditz sent Goku an angry glare and opened his mouth to yell. "Bulma, he's lyin-"

Goku clapped his hand over Raditz's mouth and forced him into a headlock. Raditz struggled and squirmed in Goku's grip, all the while cursing and glaring at his younger brother. But for all his efforts, escape was futile. Cradling the phone against his shoulder, Goku continued his conversation with Bulma. "Yeah, Raditz has never been a real animal person. He hates anything cute, small, and furry. Shoot, he'd eat a puppy. Ow!" Raditz kicked him in the shin.

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to skip the picnic this time." Bulma finally consented.

"It's for the best." Goku assured her as his shoulders sagged with relief.

"Oh, and Goku, I've been thinking a lot about what you said about me and Yamcha."

"Yes?" his spirits rose hopefully.

"I really do want the two of us to be friends again, but I think Yamcha may need some time before he's ready to do that. He sent me flowers this morning, I think the poor boy is still in love with me." Bulma sighed dramatically. Goku weight this little tidbit if information in his mind. Considering that Bulma and Yamcha had only just broken up, he probably did still love her. That meant good things for Goku. On the other hand, Bulma was more or less in the habit of believing every man she met was in love with her or, at the very least, was infatuated with her. This meant bad things for Goku. All in all, the information she had just imparted to him was completely useless.

"I just feel it would be best if we gave him some space. You won't tell him about the two of us? Please, Goku?" Bulma's voice called his mind back to the present.

"No problem." he acquiesced. Talking with Yamcha was the last thing Goku wanted to do. Although, he was all in favor of Bulma speaking with Yamcha, spending time with him, handcuffing the two of them together and pushing them down the aisle.

"He would just be so upset if he knew we were together or even that we were talking like this." she worried.

Goku laughed and was just about to make a comment on how impossible it would be for Yamcha to know about anything, when a large shadow caught his eye. Turning around, Goku found himself staring into the coal black eyes of a tall, menacing, foul tempered, baseball player. Yamcha stood in the doorway, a bat slung across his shoulders, clutching a newspaper and sending Goku a most unpleasant look. Goku hadn't heard the doorbell, he hadn't seen him come in, yet there he was. Solid, angry, and about to have a fit all over Goku's kitchen.

And Goku was standing there on the telephone with Bulma.

Not good.

It was a moment for quick thinking and innovation. Unfortunately, the only person in the room capable of such things was currently in a headlock and only halfway conscious. Goku gulped audibly and abruptly released Raditz, who fell to the floor with a loud thump. First things first, he though, he couldn't let Yamcha know Bulma was the one on the other end of the phone. If the ex-fiancée knew that, he'd do more than just throw a fit.

"That's great Dende!" Goku shouted nervously into the receiver. "Sure, Dende. Whatever you think Dende. We'll talk later Dende, I have to go now, Dende. Yamcha just dropped by, Dende. See you later, Dende." he hung up quickly and turned, sweating, to face Yamcha. "Hi Yamcha, that was Dende."

The athlete stood silently glowering at him for a moment. Then, he slowly raised his hand with the newspaper and held up the front page for Goku to see. Goku's eyes widened in horror as he saw the cover picture of him and Bulma. Feeling his throat constrict suddenly, Goku's gaze flicked nervously back to the ominous looking Yamcha.

Oh, crap.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at the Son's home…_

"What part of 'no starch' can't your thick heads understand? Do your jobs right you stupid girls! You're idiots! Both of you!" Vegeta stormed at the two unlucky maids who had been assigned to drop off his laundry in his room. Vegeta had been excessively demanding and rude since he had arrived, and they were sick of it. Especially now, since they didn't even do the household laundry, they were just delivering it to his royal pain.

"Now take it back and do it over!" he screamed and then stomped out of the room.

"We weren't the ones who did it the first time you blockhead!" One of the maids muttered. She had wavy blond hair that she tied up with a red scarf. "Yeah, I'll do it over and then when I'm done I'll be sure to shove it up your-"

"Launch!" her companion, a pretty little gray-eyed girl, whispered in fear, "He might hear you."

"Humph. Yeah, yeah, I know Rika." Launch grumbled as she gathered up the clothes. Her arms full, Launch gave a mischievous smirk as she left the room with Rika. "I say we dust his underwear with itching powder."

"Wha- No! We- Launch, come back! You can't do that!" Rika hissed in a panicked voice as she chased after her. "Wait!"

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please Review!^^ You make me so happy when you do.

VBR~

**The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule:**_ Thanks for the review, ^^ lol, Yeah, Goku get him self into a real bind soon. ^^ _// **AIlOvEr:** _Thanks!^^ _**SuperSaiyanMiliana:**_ Thank you very much! Hehehe, Oh you have noooo idea. He gets into so much trouble in this fic. ];p_// **Jane Black278:**_ Hello! Thank you so much for your review! I'm really glad that you like the story so much. Yeah, I guess Raditz not being evil does automatically make him kinda ooc but I like stories where he and Goku are together like this. ^^ Although, Raditz does do something very evil, and funny, in the next chapter. ^^ Chichi won't be around for a little bit but she will show up. Things will get a lot crazier soon. Hope you like the update.// _**J.W. Appel: **_Thanks!^^ Ooo, I see. Lol_// **clueless788:**_ Only a little Veggie here but lots more of him from here on out. ^^ Thanks a lot! ;)// _**The Better Side :**_ I have so much fun with Raditz in this. Lol, as for the money, it's the amount Veggie asked for in chapter one. I'll explain soon why Veggie's extra grumpy right now and why he wants the money so bad. Turles is an Uncle, I thought having him come in would be a fun quirk. Hum, I seem to be using a lot of seldom-used characters. ^^;; More madness soon!// _**XxKuroyoxX:** _Aww, but it wouldn't be very entertaining if I let him wallow hehehehe, I'm putting Goku through the wringer in this one.^w^_


	8. Chapter 8

So sorry about the wait, please forgive me? ^^;;

You know, I also thought of calling this story "When Cupid Gets Sloppy."

It fit's the later chapters quite well. ^_^

* * *

Chapter 8

"You thieving, low-life scumbag." Yamcha growled like an enraged boar as he advanced on the hapless Goku.

"Uh, Yamcha!" Goku smiled nervously and did his best to sound cheerful while rubbing the back of his head in classic stance. He decided to take a crack at being cool and nonchalant. "Come in, come in. Well, I guess you are in, huh? Have a seat. You want some pancakes? They're shaped like teddy bears. So, tell me what's new with you. Isn't it a gorgeous day out? You know a lot of people dislike hot summer days in the city but I've always thought they had a certain special something."

Unfortunately for poor Goku, Yamcha was one of those unimaginative fellows who had no interest in things like teddy bear pancakes or how people felt about hot summer days in the city. To the contrary, the hulking baseball player simply snorted at the remark and made no effort to pursue either subject.

"You lied." Yamcha pointed an angry finger at Goku. Goku swallowed a couple of times but found his throat was feeling increasingly parched.

"Excuse me?" he croaked.

"You lied to me Goku! You looked me straight in the eye and told me you weren't after my girl!" Yamcha screamed, hurt showing in his eyes. Goku even thought he saw traces of tears on the other man's cheeks, but he couldn't be sure and under the present circumstances he thought it best not to ask.

"And then this morning, what do I find on my breakfast table when I got up?" Yamcha continued.

"Uh, teddy bear shaped pancakes?" Goku hazard.

"A picture of you with your lips all over my Bulma!" Yamcha raged, his voice cracking slightly. Had it been a calmer confrontation, Goku would have liked to point out that Bulma had kissed him and that he had hardly had his lips all over her. In fact, his lips never would have touched her if he had had any say in the matter. He definitely felt that Yamcha was taking a very liberal interpretation of the photo. Goku was merely a victim of bad press.

"Yamcha listen, this is just a big misunderstanding." Goku laughed nervously and held up his hands defensively.

"Save it!" Yamcha snapped. "I'm not interested in hearing anymore of your lies. I am going to get Bulma back! But first, I'm going to break you gutless spine in three places!"

Goku didn't think that spines typically had guts, he had thought them to be made mostly of bone. There may perhaps be some cartilage squeezed in there, he reasoned, but surly not guts. Of course, he wasn't very knowledgeable about these matters, but he believed he was right about this particular issue. Before Goku could argue this point however, he found a Louisville Slugger was trying to introduce itself to his face in a most abrasive manner. Leaping out of the way, he heard it slam into the countertop, breaking numerous dishes and glasses.

"Raddy! A little help here?" Goku yelped. Raditz groaned lightly from his spot on the floor, but made no move to save his younger sibling from his assailant.

After narrowly escaping several more attempted spinal rearrangements, courtesy of Yamcha, Goku came up with an escape plan. Leaping across the room, he jumped out of the nearest open window. Goku hit the ground at a full run, bolting down the street as if the devil himself were after him.

A quarter of an hour later, Raditz awoke to find his kitchen in shambles and a distraught Yamcha sobbing and cursing in the corner. Groggily, he recalled all that had happened before he passed out. Dang that Kakarott! Raditz stood up and rubbed his sore neck, growing more ticked off at his little brother by the minute. That's when he spotted Yamcha there. Suddenly, Raditz smirked as a plan for revenge began to take shape in his mind. Sibling rivalry is a force that never really dies.

"Easy does it, buddy." Raditz patted Yamcha on the back. "It'll be alright."

Yamcha looked up at him in confusion. "What are you talking about Raditz?"

"Hey, I'm on your side here. Now, how would you like to get your girl back and get to take another swing at Kakarott?" Raditz grinned evilly.

"I'm listening." Yamcha looked at him suspiciously.

* * *

_At the Son home…_

Rika and Launch stood before the laundry room, staring at the door nervously.

"I'm scared." Rika whimpered. A small girl and painfully shy, Launch was really the only one Rika was willing to talk to.

Launch gulped but squared her shoulders. "It's only Miwa."

"But, she's crazy." Rika whispered, wide-eyed.

"Not in a psychotic way. She just…just… look the quicker we do this the faster we can go agreed?" Launch looked at her pleadingly.

"Agreed."

"Here, goes nothing." Launch muttered and raised her hand to knock. At that instant, the door sprang open. Two arms shot out and grabbed the pair of unsuspecting girls, dragging them inside before they could even scream. Hearts pounding, they felt themselves being held in a tight, iron like, embrace.

"Sqeee! My lovelies came to see me!" Their captor squealed in unabashed glee.

"Can't… breathe!" Launch choked, trying to claw her way free. Rika was too scared to say anything, nearly passing out from fright. But then, Rika was afraid of pretty much everything and would faint at the drop of a hat.

"Sorry dearies!" a hyper voice laughed as they were plopped unceremoniously onto the floor. The two girls quickly picked themselves up and straightened their uniforms. Their gaze traveled up to meet with the electric-blue eyes and wild golden tresses of their subjugator. It was the Sons' laundry girl, Miwa. She cared for all of the household washing needs.

"I'd love to sit and talk with you girls, but you know me, busy, busy, busy! I'm afraid I can only spare about three or four hours to chat. So, do you want to play pictionary or charades?" she beamed happily at Launch and Rika.

"Well, we're working, so we really can't stay-" Launch tried to explain.

"Candy Land it is then!" Miwa chirped enthusiastically and scrambled to find the game. Launch and Rika couldn't help but wonder why there was a stack of board games in the laundry room, but it was best not to ask too many questions with Miwa. You probably wouldn't get a sensible answer out of her even if you did ask; the girl had the attention span of a humming bird.

"But, we just need you to rewash these clothes. The pointy haired little garden gnome upstairs wasn't happy with them." Launch shoved Vegeta's rejected articles at her.

Miwa looked at the offering and tilted her head to the side perplexedly. "Silly man, there's nothing wrong with them."

"Yeah well, men are all idiots. Now, will you rewash these please? Without using starch." Launch answered hurriedly, hoping to end the conversation quickly. "Oh, but sprinkle this on them will you?" The blond haired maid snickered and produced a box of itching powder.

"Speaking of men," Miwa grinned mischievously, ignoring everything Launch had said. "Have my duckys met anyone recently?"

"No." Launch glared at her. "We're not here to gossip, we just need you to rewash these-"

"Oh, don't feel bad. You'll meet someone." Miwa carried on obliviously and gave little Rika another tight hug. "The law of the socks says so!"

"I know I shouldn't ask," Rika squeaked, her curiosity overpowering her shyness, "but what is the law of the socks?"

"It's very simple my lovely, the three of us are like three little oddly-patterned mismatched socks. A lonesome trio of sisters adrift in a world of loveless yarn." Miwa sighed and patted the top of Rika's head. Rika exchanged a nervous glance with Launch.

"You see," Miwa prattled on, "we don't match any of the other socks so we can never find our perfect mate. Now, the only thing that keeps us knitted together is the hope that someday we'll find a pair of cold feet whose toes we can keep warm. But fear not my sisters! The law of the socks has assured me that someday someone's frozen phalanges will find us!"

"I really shouldn't have asked." Rika whispered to herself.

"Miwa, I think you need to lighten up on the bleach for awhile." Launch said as she grabbed Rika and edged towards the door. "The fumes are putting your crazy cell into overdrive."

"Oh, don't worry pumpkins! Miwa knows what she's doing." The eccentric blue-eyed girl bubbled.

"That's nice, but we have to go now. Bye!" The two maids bolted for the door and raced down the hall.

"Come back soon! Kisses and turtledoves my chickys!" Miwa called after them. Turning, she noticed the box Launch had left behind and bent to pick it up. She read the cover curiously. "Itching powder?"

A grin spread slowly across her face and she let out a small evil sounding laugh. This was just what she needed to get back at that old pervert Roshi for grabbing her bottom the day before. Dancing with glee, she quickly went to lace the old creep's clothes with the irritating powder.

* * *

_Back with Goku and Raditz…_

One of the advantages siblings have when arguing with one another is that they are under no obligation to be tactful. If, for example, one brother wishes to tell his younger male sibling that he is an idiot and ought to have his head thoroughly examined because his brain is obviously broken, he can do so. And, going further, said brother can add that it is a thousand pities that no one ever thought of smothering his afore mentioned younger male sibling with a pillow in his formative years. Raditz did both these things the very moment that Goku walked in through the front door of their shared residence. Then, after imparting these sentiments to his little brother, Raditz commenced packing for the following day's nonnegotiable trip to their parents' estate.

The next morning, the two brothers began the long drive from West City to the 409-mountain area. Goku's face lit up with relief when he finally saw his parents' estate coming into view. The drive there, normally a pleasant excursion through a lovely portion of the countryside had been very nearly unbearable. He and Raditz had picked Bulma and her incredible amount of luggage up early that morning at her house. At that time, Raditz had then insisted that he be the driver for the entire trip and had made Goku and Bulma sit in the backseat together. An arrangement that pleased Bulma to no end, but presented the woeful Goku with an uncomfortable predicament.

Much to his dismay, Goku discovered in the course of their journey that Bulma had a somewhat wandering pair of hands and a most insistent need to cuddle. He spent the majority of the trip performing an extremely curious sequence of acrobatic feats in an effort to evade her unsolicited physical contact. Raditz's occasional encouraging comments to the two of them about, 'a little couple's time back there' and 'don't mind me you two,' did nothing to aid the situation. Goku spent a good deal of time glaring at the back of his older brother's head while wishing Raditz's cranium would spontaneously explode.

For the duration of the trip, Goku did everything he could think of to avoid Bulma with the exception of opening the car door and throwing himself out of the speeding vehicle. Not because he didn't consider the idea, mind you, but rather because Raditz had heartlessly contrived to engage the child safety lock on his door, effectually cutting off any hope of escaping the female sitting next to him.

By the time they pulled into the driveway of the Son's family home, Goku was about ready to jump out of his skin and use it to strangle Raditz. More than twenty years had passed since, in their shared nursery, Goku had settled a dispute with his brother by beating Raditz over the head with a teddy bear that was his favorite childhood toy, but Goku would gladly have done it again today. That is of course, if his beloved Mr. Snuggles had been present. Goku's eyes wandered briefly to a few handy blunt objects within reach, but the wiser councils prevailed and he decided he would restrict himself to vocalizing his frustrations. He was, after all, visiting his mother, making this a less than opportune time to kill his brother. Fasha just wouldn't understand, however justified Goku was felt his actions to be.

When they had parked and Bulma stepped out of the car, Goku leaned forward and hissed in Raditz ear.

"You're a horrible, horrible person Raddy!" Goku glared at him. "You did all of this on purpose! You trapped me back here with her just so you could watch me be miserable."

Raditz chuckled darkly and then turned to face him. "Why my dear little brother," he mocked, "what did you expect? After all, I would eat a puppy, remember?"

* * *

Thanks for reading! Sorry I had to insert two Oc's in the story, I ran out of DBZ characters to use.:S I tried to make them entertaining. Oh wells.

Remember folks!

Reviews = love

love = happy VBR

Happy VBR = more chappies.

Love ya'll!

VBR~

Clueless788: Yup, that's Goku, lol. More Veggie later don't worry. Hehe, I agree. Oh and they already know each other, they're starting a business together. That's why Veggie asked Goku for money. ^.^

SuperSaiyanMiliana: Thank you! Lol, well she's er… Yeah. ^^; It gets sooo much worse. hehehe

Jane Black278: Thanks, glad you liked it. Chichi will come in in a little bit. Lol, then things get even messier. ^^ Fasha is back in the next scene, she's actually a fairly important character in this story. Hugs!

The Better Side: It just seemed like something he would do. lol You can't really blame Yamcha for getting upset, but he'll be out of the way soon enough. *evil plotting in process* Hope you enjoy and thanks for being so supportive!

The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule: That's ok ^^ Thank you!

J.W. Appel: Hi hi! I'm working on it, but school is starting (college) and I'm running out of steam. I have classes five days a week. Anyway, um, no never really considered it. Thank you, that's sweet. Yes I have, but I kinda like the filler. It means more dragon ball goodness! No sorry hun, I never got that far with it. :'(

XxKuroyoxX: You are evil woman! But it is funny isn't it? *snickers* Well, I can't have Veggie wooing Bulma with his pants on fire, wait that's not what I…never mind… I think I need to shut up now… XO


	9. Chapter 9

I apologize profusely for the long wait! College is a time killer. To any who are still reading this, please enjoy there will be more soon.

* * *

Chapter 9

It was a travel-exhausted young Goku that stumbled into the Son's family room that evening. He found his mother, Fasha, sitting comfortably on a couch by a lit fireplace, waiting for him. The warm cozy atmosphere of the tranquil room raised his spirits slightly, as did the tray of pastries on the coffee table. Without waiting for an invitation, he quickly plopped himself down in a large overstuffed recliner and smiled happily up at his mother as he leant to pick up a tasty looking cake.

"Where the devil have you been?" Fasha boomed at him, her eyes snapping with electricity. If Fasha had a fault, it was that she tended to use her big voice even though she was in a small room. It wasn't merely a loud voice, for volume alone was not the problem; it was _big_ voice, one that seemed to fill every inch of the room around you and slap you upside the head. This was the case for poor Goku at the moment. Startled, Goku, and the unfortunate baked goods he was fingering, were quickly air born, landing in a wide-eyed heap on the carpet.

"M-mother?" he quivered.

"Just what have you been doing Kakarott? You and Raditz got here almost forty minutes ago and you're just now coming to say hello! It doesn't take that long to take your bags to your room. What's with all this playing hide and seek? I'm your mother, you can't get away from me!" Fasha planted her hands on her hips as she stood frowning down at her son. Though her expression and tone were sever, her eyes had warm teasing glow to them. Her mate and her sons loved those eyes and all the energy they contained. They were part of what made Fasha seem so alive all the time. Goku gave her a sheepish grin as he picked himself up and sat back down.

"Sorry mother, I got lost."

"What do you mean you got lost Kakarott?" Fasha gave him an exasperated look. "You should know this house like the back of your hand, you used to live here!" Goku blushed.

"Yeah, but I got lost when I lived here too." he pouted. "Why do we need to have such a big place anyway?"

"I have no idea." Fasha said with a shrug and light laugh.

"So, what's new out in this neck of the woods?" Goku queried as he took another crack at the remaining pastries.

"Oh, not much." Fasha responded. "Your father is about ready to hang that Roshi fellow. The man has been here for two weeks now and he still refuses to close a deal with Bardock."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, he hums-"

"Why on earth does he do that?"

"- and haws about things until your father wants to rip his own hair out. Seriously, if that old coot stays here much longer, he's likely to wake up dead one morning."

"That would be unfortunate."

"Not in everyone's opinion." Fasha grinned playfully.

"Is he really bothering Dad that much?" Goku asked. It was rather unusual for his father to loose his patience with a client.

"He is driving your father to his wits end, but it's the staff I'm worried about." Fasha poured herself a cup of coffee and sat back on to the couch. "He's been making passes at all of the maids since he got here and he made a few grabs at Miwa yesterday. I tried to warn him that that girl isn't right in the head but he didn't listen to me. I think he might be paying for it now. The old man would have to be a real glutton for punishment if he stayed here much longer."

"What do you mean?" Goku looked at her curiously.

She lifted her cup to her lips and smiled at the memory. Earlier that day, she explained, she had seen a very _uncomfortable_ and frantic looking Roshi stumbling down the hallway. She had also found a nearly empty box of itching powder on the laundry room shelf today. Putting the two together, it would seem that Miwa had decided to get a little revenge on the old pervert by giving his underwear a generous dusting. Roshi's troubles had been limited to that though. He had had a nasty run-in with the cook a week ago. He had given the girl a squeeze from behind in a highly inappropriate place and been rewarded with a cast-iron face implant. Fasha was amazed that the frying pan hadn't broken the old bird's jaw when the cook slammed it into his face. It did take him awhile to regain consciousness though. And, ever since that day, Roshi seemed to have been suffering from a strangely incurable case of indigestion. It just went to show you though, it was always a grave error to mess with a woman who had access to your laundry or your food. Fasha laughed, how she did love to see girls with spirit. Although, Miwa might be more crazy than spirited.

"I though old Korin was the cook, did you get somebody new?" Goku asked. He really couldn't imagine anyone wanting to give old Korin a squeeze of any sort.

"Yeah, Korin quit so I had to find a replacement. She's a nice girl from the next town over. Her name is Chi-Chi if I remember right." Fasha replied. Goku took this information in stride; Korin hadn't been too outstanding of a cook so his departure was really not worth mourning. He only hoped this new Chi-chi person knew how to make teddy bear shaped pancakes.

"But enough of this," Fasha set her cup down and her eyes turned serious, "let's get down to business. You have to do something about Vegeta."

"Is he really that bad?"

"Yes! He's a regular pain the nether regions! He mopes, he yells, he grumps, he swears, and then he broods! He's like a gloomy little, pointy haired, wizard that has a train of low flying rain clouds following him wherever he goes and they that keep pouring all over my carpets." Fasha frowned.

"Terrible thing to have happen to wool carpets." Goku sympathized.

"It's not doing the wood flooring any good either." Fasha drummed her fingers on the end table.

"You know, I learned a new trick the other day that could even make a platypus laugh." Goku smiled.

"Are platypuses disinclined to merriment?"

"I should think so, I've never seen a jolly one. Have you?"

"Never."

"So you see?"

"I do. They're not disposed to gaiety at all."

"Exactly, just like Vegeta."

"Yes, just like."

"So, this trick I learned." Goku rubbed his hands together in glee.

"Oh? What is it?"

"I can fit twenty strawberries in my mouth."

"Amazing, but I don't think that will help lift Vegeta's spirits." Fasha sighed.

"No?"

"No."

"But, it sure made me mighty happy." Goku dropped his chin in his hand and licked his lips at the memory.

"You'll just have to come up with something else. Now go find him and get started!" Fasha smiled as she energetically dragged Goku to his feet and out the door of the room. "Now get going! Come on! Mush! Tally-ho! Get your butt moving before I move it for ya!" She thundered and gave him a sharp swat on the back of the head as she shoved him down the hall.

Goku, clutching his head protectively, quickly scrambled off in search of Vegeta.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I would greatly appreciate any feedback you guys could leave. That being said, hugs to all and take care!

Sorry for not responding more individually, but to:

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I'd say more but I'm beat and need to sleep, later all!


	10. Chapter 10

Hihi to all! I'm back again. If you want to know where I've been please go check my profile. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the fic!

* * *

It didn't take long for Goku to find Vegeta. Of course, Vegeta was seldom hard to find. Well built, with flame-like gravity defying hair, and aristocratic features, Vegeta tended to stand out. Although, it was mostly the haughty sneer, ice-cold glare, and enveloping aura of killer intent that people noticed about him. That was why Goku would normally just ask anyone he came across if something small, pointy, and grouchy had come through recently. All one really had to do to locate Vegeta was follow the air of unpleasantness and fear he left in his wake.

Goku had always found it amazing that Vegeta could make such a strong impression on people. It had to be some kind of special talent to be able to piss off almost every single person you ever met, even Uncle Turles couldn't do that. His mother had told him that this 'talent,' and Vegeta's love of big game hunting, was probably all just side effects of what she had termed 'short man syndrome.' That seemed a little unfair to Goku though. He was pretty sure that Vegeta was ornery because he liked it.

Though it was true, Goku consented. Vegeta did fall a bit low on the yardstick; he was barely taller than Bulma, but he had a lot spirit Goku reasoned. Like one of those little ankle-biter dogs that have a big ferocious bark and an infinite supply of meanness that enables them to chase you all the way to the resting places of the four winds of heaven, or to the top of Mr. Mori's peach tree. Goku gave a small shudder, that was one scary, but still sweet and tasty, memory. But where was he going with all of this? Oh, right. Vegeta.

Well this time around, no searching was necessary to find his vertically challenged friend. For as luck would have it, Goku's mother had barely finished shoving him down the hall and closing the door solidly behind him when the object of his search came striding around the corner. It was, though, a sight for which Goku was completely unprepared.

The Vegeta walking towards him now was not the 'gloomy little, pointy haired, wizard' that his mother had complained of, and his 'train of low flying rain clouds' were nowhere to be seen. In fact, not only were the carpets suspiciously dry, there was an uncharacteristic rainbow-like aura of cheerfulness surrounding the other man that Goku found disturbingly unfitting. A braver man, or one situated at a much safer distance than Goku currently was, might have said that Vegeta had a spring in his step. On closer inspection, which would be possible when Vegeta closed in to attack him for that remark about his step, he may even have observed something resembling a happy gleam in the dark-haired man's eyes.

From what Goku could see, Vegeta bore all the earmarks of a man who was supremely pleased with life and the universe as a whole. As if to confirm this fact, as he rounded the corner, Vegeta began whistling what Goku could only describe as a jaunty little tune. The youngest member of the Son household felt the sudden urge to pinch himself.

"About time you showed up, Kakarott." Vegeta smirked, nodding his head in greeting. He strolled up and began walking alongside the younger man.

Goku stared at Vegeta in shock. He had, the youngest Son realized, just learned a rather surprising fact about the other man. Specifically, that his flame haired friend could whistle, and fairly well at that. Well, maybe others wouldn't have found this little revelation very fascinating, but to Goku it was most interesting. After all, who would have guessed it? It certainly wasn't something that Goku would have ever suspected. It seemed strangely out of character to the young Son, and more than a tad bit creepy. Like a grumpy old bird of prey singing happily away just before it viciously swoops in and tries to peck your eyes out.

"Well, you seem to be in good spirits." Goku laughed uneasily. Vegeta's countenance instantly darkened and a fierce scowl appeared on his face as if he found such an idea to be deeply insulting.

"Shut up, Kakarott! Who asked you?" he snapped and shoved his hands in his pockets. A moody silence seemed to fall over Vegeta as he continued walking next to Goku, his shoulders slumped forward and a dark cloud seemed to settle on his face. This was more like the Vegeta Goku was used to. Yet, the young man still got the feeling that Vegeta was not really in the foul mood that he appeared to be. This hunch proved true when they walked outside on to the back lawn. As soon as they stepped out in to the sun, Vegeta's shoulders relaxed and the strange, unfitting, air of happiness returned.

In fact, Goku thought as he surveyed his companion, not only had it returned it had gotten stronger. For now, there was in his demeanor more than a slight suggestion of a man who might at any moment leap in to the air and shout for joy. Goku paused briefly in his stride. No. That would never happen, not withVegeta.

"I see Bulma's here too." Vegeta announced randomly as he shot a sidelong glance at Goku.

"Oh, did you see her already?" Goku smiled. He noticed that Vegeta seemed to be walking a bit faster now.

"In the back garden." Vegeta answered, his eyes avoiding Goku's.

"I hope the long drive here didn't make her too tired." Goku mused. "She can get awfully cranky."

Goku tilted his head curiously as Vegeta's eyes dropped to the ground and he mumbled a barely audible reply that she had seemed perfectly fine to him. Was it his imagination or did Vegeta speed up again?

"She said that Raditz came too."

"It was insisted upon."

"By whom? Bulma?"

"No, Mother."

"Oh, I see. She was playing with a cat just then."

"Ah, really?"

"Seems to like them."

"Nah, Mother doesn't care for cats."

"Not your mother you incompetent! Bulma!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry."

"She said she rode up with the two of you."

"Yeah well, mother invited her along." Goku sighed somewhat unhappily. "I imagine that that's convenient for you though." He added in a brighter tone.

Wide-eyed, Vegeta's head snapped up and he whirled around to face Goku.

"W-what the devil does that mean?" he sputtered in a demanding tone. Astonished, Goku took a step back.

"W-well, you two are business partners right?" Goku answered in a confused rush. "Once our deal is done, won't it be a lot easier for you two to get your project started since you're both here?"

Goku watched in amazement as Vegeta's face turned a brilliant crimson, traveling all the way up to his ears. At Goku's response the other man uttered a simple 'Oh' and began walking, quickening his pace once again.

Perplexed by his companion's outburst, Goku followed along behind. He had never seen Vegeta act like this before he mused. According to his mother, Vegeta was supposed to be in a terribly foul mood these days. When he had spoken to her the other day, and again a few moments ago, she had been insistent that Vegeta was in a horribly rotten funk. A short-tempered, mood souring, carpet destroying, parent annoying, terrorizer of domestic help! That was what Goku had been expecting to find. What on earth could have happened in such a short period of time to cause such a shift in Vegeta's mood?

"You'll get that paperwork seen to quickly, won't you?" Vegeta's gruff voice sliced through Goku's thoughts and jarred him back to reality.

"What? Oh, right." Goku stumbled to keep up. "Yes, I'll see to it."

Vegeta nodded his head in satisfaction.

"Good. There's something very important that I need to do after it's all settled." He informed Goku gravely. Goku's eyebrows rose in interest.

"Oh really? Well, I'll ask Raditz to help me then. He's much faster about these things." He grinned sheepishly. "Are you going to do something special, Vegeta?" he asked.

Vegeta looked at Goku speculatively for a moment, as if trying to decide something. To Goku it looked like Vegeta was a man who had learned something recently that had excited him to no end. In fact, it seemed to have wound him up to the point where it was causing him some trouble. He appeared to be contemplating whether he should tell someone, Goku, about this recent occurrence or keep it all to himself and risk exploding on the spot in a very un-Vegeta like display. Goku got the feeling that Vegeta would have been much more inclined to the first if someone other than himself were there.

"Bulma just told me that her and that idiot called it quits." Vegeta cleared his throat and looked at the ground as he spoke. Goku realized that he was walking faster again.

"Um, yeah." Goku frowned at the sudden topic change as he speed up to keep pace. Apparently, Vegeta had decided to keep whatever had excited him to himself, Goku sighed.

"Just as well, he was no match for her."

"You don't think so, huh?"

"Of course not."

"Seems to be what everyone says."

"It was blatantly obvious."

"Probably."

"She's much better off without him."

Goku blinked. It was rather unusual for Vegeta to talk about someone else's relationships. And was it just him, or were they walking really, _really_, fast now?

"A girl like that probably won't be alone long though." Vegeta said in an odd sort of voice that made Goku look up.

"Y-yeah, probably not." Goku agreed in a miserable tone as he was reminded of his own troubles.

"So you see," Vegeta said in an intense voice as he came to an abrupt stop, "I really need that money quickly, Kakarott."

"Ah… okay." Goku puzzled. What did Bulma's split with Yamcha have do to with the money? He wasn't sure what Vegeta was trying to tell him, or why he kept looking at the ground the whole time, but somehow Goku didn't think he should ask any questions. Vegeta was acting very strange and Goku wasn't sure what to make of it. "I'll do my best." He finally shrugged.

Vegeta seemed to be satisfied by this.

"Later then, Kakarott." He gave Goku a cocky smirk and then strolled off across the yard towards the garden.

"I wonder what he meant by all that." Goku scratched the back of his head absently.

Oh well, it would appear that there would be no need for him to cheer Vegeta up after all. So, with a shrug of his shoulders Goku turned, headed back to the house, and completely forgot about the whole incident. As he entered, he heard the clock strike the hour and smiled. It was almost dinnertime he realized happily.

Meanwhile, as Vegeta strolled towards the back garden he was doing his best to keep from smiling. Bulma had finally broken up with her deadbeat fiancée and Kakarott had agreed to be his backer. He couldn't believe his luck! At last all of his plans and efforts were going to pay off. If his luck held he should have all his business affairs finished in a day or two.

"And then…" he smirked as he caught sight of a flash of blue hair over by the water fountain and felt his heart rate quicken.

Then he could begin concerning himself with another affair.

* * *

Yay! More soon kiddies! Hugs =3 R&R please.

VBR~

_PsychoWrites: Thank you! I'll do my best.- JollyVenturer: Yay! Yes, this fic is all about fun for me. No heart-throbbing drama, no scary suspense, just fun and laughs. Oh, and some romance too. =D I shall try to appease your request! - Saiyajn: Thankies! ^^ -Ana: Crack myself up writing sometimes… is that weird? 0o' - Margaretng: I have a lot of this written now so it should go faster, sorry. ~_o - Kamui: Yays! I like writing about families, the relationships are fun. - Jane Black278: Yeah, Fasha is actually a big part of this story, lot more of her later. =D Sorry for the wait. - 0027Son: Ah Fasha is fun. Chichi pops in later, no worries! - DBZ lover: Nope, unfortunately… =P Omg, I haven't updated since newyears? *VBR is reeaallly embarrassed now* - SuperSaiyanMiliana: Thanks =D I kinda flopped that one huh? - Xzavx: Hihi! Glad you liked it hun, lol. - 1402D: Thank you! - Angel Chi: Thanks, I'll try hard to finish it this time! - MK08: Ah, odd, yet hilarious. Yay! That's just what I'm hoping for! - J.W. Appel: Thanks hun. - XxKuroyoxX: Humm, I gotta send you a note girl. =P_


	11. Chapter 11

Hello my lovely readers. ^^ I'm back with another update, which I hope you will enjoy. Please R&R.

To the fic!

* * *

Chapter 11

With a light heart and a song on his lips Goku trotted up the stairs of his family mansion and down the hall to his room. He had just enough time to shower and change before dinner, he concluded. Selecting one of his new dark blue shirts and a pair of bright orange dress pants, still neatly pressed from the tailors, he headed for the bath.

Things were looking slightly better, Goku told himself. Raditz would help him with his business deal with Vegeta, meaning he would do all the work while Goku would only have to sign along the dotted lines, and all would be well! Plus, Vegeta seemed to be in exceptionally good spirits, despite what his mother had said, and in no need of cheering up at all. Goku figured he should probably keep that strawberry trick in mind just in case the hunter's spirits took a nosedive, but he really didn't understand what his parents had been concerned about. Or course, there was still the trouble of the blue-haired banshee trying to devour his soul and drag him ring finger first into matrimonial hell, but Goku was always an optimist. Surely something would happen to waylay Bulma and deliver him, he thought. A business trouble, a new book, another man, or an exorcism. He wasn't picky, as long as it kept that she-devil and him away from the altar.

He was just straightening his tie when a knock sounded at the door and Raditz let himself inside.

"Dinner's ready." He informed his younger sibling while grinning like a Cheshire cat. Somewhere in the back of Goku's head a red flag shot up, but he brushed it aside. He didn't want to wonder what was up with Raditz right now; it was dinnertime. Food always came before suspicious brothers.

Shooting his brother a brief quizzical look, Goku thanked him and waltzed down the stairs to the family dinning room. As the savory aroma of an impossibly delicious array of foods came wafting over his senses, Goku sent up a small prayer of thanks that he had decided to pass on his usual midday snack. If his nose was right, this was going to be a meal fit for royalty. Beaming at full splendor, he vigorously swung open the dinning room door.

And immediately thereafter felt his heart relocate to his throat, which if you didn't know, is a very bad place for a heart to be.

The reason for this spontaneous cardio-migration was that there, amid the smiling faces of his family members, Vegeta, his unofficial and unwanted girlfriend, Baba and Roshi, and the two maids who were acting as servers, was the one sight he really didn't want to see. Dark, menacing, and scowling, one look turned Goku's insides to lead.

Whirling around so fast he almost left an afterimage, Goku dashed out of the room and back up the stairs, colliding halfway with his brother who was still making his way down.

"What the heck, Kakarott?" Raditz growled as he picked himself up off the floor.

"R-r-raddy! There… in… sitting… he's… bad… oh, very bad… very, very bad…" Goku gasped as he tried to calm his racing heart and coax it back into his chest cavity.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, bad… so, so bad…" Goku shook his head and began mumbling to himself.

"Kakarott."

"…but why? Why is this happening…"

"Kakarott."

"…how did he find me? Did he stalk me or…"

"Kakarott."

"… who would even let him in? Or ask him to stay for dinner? They…"

"KAKAROTT!"

"Yipes!" Goku jumped and looked at his brother with wide eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Raditz demanded impatiently.

"Raddy, Y-yamcha's h-here!" Goku finally burst out, his arms flailing frantically at his sides. This was a disaster! The one man, who surely hated him the most at the moment, was for some reason sitting at his dinner table. How was he supposed to eat his supper under these circumstances? Naturally, he would still eat it. Neither hell nor high water, let alone Yamcha's presence, would stop Goku's appetite. But it would be a very uncomfortable meal to say the least!

"Why is he here, Raddy?" Goku wailed and buried his face in his hands. "He shouldn't be here! You don't attack someone with a baseball bat in their kitchen and then show up at their parents' house for dinner! Even I know that!"

"Of course he's here." Raditz snorted. "I invited him."

"Eh?"

"I said, I invited him here."

"Why?" Goku cried in despair. "Why would you do that Raddy?"

"Reason number one, doing so amuses me." Raditz chuckled and eyed his sibling slyly. "Reason number two, I'm still mad at you."

"For what?" Goku yelped as he pulled at his hair and started to pace back and forth.

"You told Bulma I hate picnics."

"I'm sorry."

"I love picnics."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"You told her I hate woodland creatures."

"I'm sorry, but you do hate squirrels."

"You didn't need to tell her that."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"You told her I would EAT a PUPPY!"

"You still on about that?"

"Kakarott…"

"Ah, I'm sorry."

"A cute, furry, baby, PUPPY!" Raditz growled.

"And now, I'm beginning to think you really would!"

"Kakarott."

"I'm sorry."

"You put me in a headlock."

"I'm sorry."

"I passed out!"

"I SAID I'M SORRY!" Goku exploded.

"Well, you don't need to shout about it…" Raditz rolled his eyes.

"And now you're being mean!" Goku panted. "What kind of demented brother would do something like as cruel as this? Wasn't the car ride here revenge enough? You're a terrible, horrible, mean, mean person Raddy!"

"It would appear not." Raditz smirked.

"I only said those things," Goku mumbled miserably, "because I couldn't say that I didn't want to go on a picnic with Bulma because she's a crazy, man-eating, lunatic, who scares the daylights out of me and I didn't want to be alone with her! I was trying to spare her feelings!"

After watching his brother wallowing in his sorrows for awhile, Raditz decided he was satisfied. Grinning mysteriously, he walked up to Goku and clapped his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"And reason number three, little brother, we can't get Bulma and Yamcha back together if he's not here, can we?"

Goku's eyes lit up and he smiled. "For real, Raddy?"

"Of course." Raditz smirked arrogantly. "Someone has to help you out of this mess, you moron."

"Wait, so all that stuff about you being mad at me and what not was just you giving me a hard time, right?" Goku smiled hopefully.

"No, I was seriously pissed at you."

"Oh, sorry."

"Ah, I'm just messing with you."

"Really?"

"No."

"But, you just… wait… I'm confused now."

"Just shut up and come eat Kakarott."

* * *

Well, did you like? O_O lol, I'm really starting to like writing Raditz in this. I hope you all were pleased with ch.11.

Please spare a moment tell me what you think. ^_^

Hugs to all!

VBR~

To my generous reviewers:

_MK08: Sweet and clueless, that's our boy! Yeah, Veggie's in love, lol. Thank you very much, and I'm honored that you're still reading!_

_3Blue3Moon3: Ah, so kind of you to R&R the whole fic! Please accept my gracious thanks for you feedback. Lol, you will just have to wait and see, though I shall try to make the wait shorter this time around. =.=' Yes, Chichi and Fasha are much alike in this story. Yay! Someone who gets my humor analogy things… I think they're analogies, though very nonsensical ones. ^^; I get the feeling I lose people halfway through them most of the time… and yet I continue to write them. =S_

_Duchess: Greetings, kind reader! Personally, I really enjoy AU's so that seems to be what I write mostly. I'm delighted that you enjoyed my story and hope you will continue to follow future chapters. =D_

_kwak73: Thank you, =3 I hope this next bit is to your liking as well. Ah, yeah. Goku does a lot of spacing out in this story. It's fun to write. XP_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was an uncomfortable meal to say the least, and not just for Goku. Though he was well aware of the reason for his own discomfort, he was at a loss as to why everyone else seemed to be in such a funk. The atmosphere at the table almost gave one the feeling of a dying duck in a thunderstorm. Bulma spent the whole evening staring at her plate, an angry little pout adorning her features. A haggard looking Bardock was doing his best not strangle Baba, who was talking nonstop about diamond broaches. Roshi was having a fabulous time making passes at the maids and trying to steal a peak at Rika's panties. Yamcha never even touched his food, preferring instead to sit and glare at Goku. Vegeta had transformed back into the gloomy little wizard and growled like an angry bear whenever he looked at Yamcha. Fasha was doing her best to play hostess and lighten the mood, but after awhile she gave up and just poured herself an extra glass of wine.

As for Goku, he made a valiant effort to enjoy his meal but found, to his great dismay, that everything he ate seemed to turn to ash on his tongue. He couldn't bring himself to finish even half of his usual number of servings. In fact, the only one who seemed to enjoy the meal was Radditz. Goku watched in barely concealed irritation as his brother inhaled about half of the table's contents while smiling shamelessly. His brother throwing him to the dogs, i.e. Yamcha, Goku could forgive, but Raddy ruining his dinner? Beat the traitor with a stick!

Anyway, the meal dragged on in this miserable fashion for what seemed like an eternity to our young hero. It was at the very moment when Goku felt sure that time had stopped and all hope abandoned him, that he heard the musical clinking of sliver trays in the hallway. An instant later, the maids paraded in laden with bounteous trays of the family chef's finest desserts. Realizing that there truly is no time like the present, Goku decided he had had enough of this particular dinner party. Swiftly snatching up one of the largest dessert trays, he made his move. Lightly hopping out one of the conveniently located windows behind him, he grinned wildly as he hit the ground at full tilt and shot off into the night. As he darted across the lawn, he vaguely heard Yamcha give an angry shout of surprise and his mother calling after him about the importance of using doors.

Goku shook his head, he was making an escape! Going out the door would have been a little bit obvious, even he realized that. The window was a much better choice in these circumstances. Besides, going out the window was more fun. It made him feel like a ninja. A shoeless ninja he thought as he looked down at his stocking clad feet.

After a moment's thought, Goku decided to head for the old oak tree in the back garden. It was a large tree with several comfortable branches that he felt would serve him very nicely until he could sneak back into the house later. If he timed it right, he would be able to avoid seeing Yamcha again tonight. Happy with his new plan, Goku climbed up on to one of the lower branches and settled in to eat his dessert in peace.

Dang it.

He'd forgotten to grab a fork.

Sighing sadly, Goku looked around at his surroundings and decided that perhaps it was time for him to spend some time in the bold and daring art of contemplation. Yes, he said bold and daring.

You see, set it upright, lay it down, or stand it on its head and spin it in circles, no matter how you looked at it, life was a funny, funny, thing. In fact, it was downright hilarious at times, if a body stopped to think about it once in a while. Of course, it was best not to think too much about it. Thinking could be a very dangerous pastime, no one understood that better than Goku. Why just imagine what could happen if, one day, a man with a bit too much free time were to let his mind actually do its job and work for a bit. He might start having all sorts of dangerous ideas; he may even realize that a corncob, a garden gnome, the planet Pluto, and he himself are all made from basically the same stuff. Then, he might start having all sorts of ideas about equality, life, value, heroism, conservatism, defeatism, caffeinism, and all sorts of other –isms that would be best left alone, as -isms are very seldom helpful. That man's whole level of consciousness could be raised to a higher level of existence. Yes, that single man could be the trigger that launches forth a whole new golden age of enlightenment and change for mankind.

And we all know what a pain in the rear that would be.

Luckily, the 'powers that be' recognized the danger this sort of realization by the everyday man might cause and took action; which is why Pluto was no longer a planet. A sad development granted, but a very necessary one. After all, the only other option would be to destroy all of the world's garden gnomes and that would be a far more difficult task to accomplish. Thanks to Pluto's sacrifice however, the everyday masses of the world have now been saved from the burden of enlightenment.

So it happened that, with these dangers clearly in mind, Goku cautiously set about to 'contemplate' his situation. He had just finished giving his brain a good little warm up and was about to begin his deeper pondering when…

"I thought you'd be here." A gruff voice broke through Goku's rambling thoughts.

"YIPE!" Startled, Goku shot three feet in the air off the tree branch and then fell about twelve feet down to the hard ground. It was only by means of an incredible streak of luck, and some interesting midair acrobatics, that he managed to save his precious tray of desserts from disaster. Picking himself up, he glared at the figure standing over him.

"Dad quit doing that!" Goku huffed at his chuckling father.

"When it ceases to be amusing I'll stop." Bardock grinned.

"How did you find me?" Goku asked as he sat up and rubbed his bruised appendages.

"You always come here when you're hiding, it's your secret spot." Bardock yawned and scratched the back of his head in the trademark fashion his youngest son so often imitated.

Goku gave an indignant huff at his father's answer and crossed his arms in an almost childlike display.

"I know that it's my secret spot! What I want to know is how _you_ know that my secret spot is my secret spot. Because, if you know that this secret spot is my secret spot and I know that it's my secret spot, well then it's not much of a secret now is it?"

Bardock gave him a deadpan stare. "Raditz knows too."

"Damn it."

Slightly depressed, Goku leaned back against the tree, sighing as his father took a seat next to him. The two sat in a companionable silence for some time.

"Hey Dad?" Goku spoke after awhile.

"Hm?"

"What do you think would happen if you ran over a ninja with an Ice-cream truck?"

Bardock sat up and gave his son a quizzical look. "If he was a ninja why would he get hit by something as slow as an ice-cream truck?"

"He picked the wrong moment to crawl out of the manhole of course." Goku shrugged.

"Ah, of course." Bardock sighed.

"Something wrong Dad?"

"You know son, I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger."

"Work a bit rough these days?" His youngest son asked sympathetically.

"That Roshi is a rascally fellow and impossible to pin down. Unfortunately, the company needs this deal to go through no matter what. Thus, I must endure that bloodsucker's antics until he finally agrees to sign on the dotted line." the older man groaned. "But once he does…"

Bardock's eyes darkened as an evil shadow crept on to his face and he rubbed his hands together in a gesture of happy anticipation. Goku gulped as he watched this display, he was so glad that scary look was not meant for him. The young man felt a small twinge of pity for old Roshi, but it passed quickly enough. Maybe it was actually just his hunger beginning to return.

"Well, you're doing a good job of acting like you don't hate his guts." Goku offered cheerily.

"One must learn to fake sincerity and act at times my son." Bardock nodded sagely. "After all, they say all the world is a stage."

"Then where is the audience sitting?" Goku puzzled.

"How the heck would I know?" His father growled as he stood up and dusted off his pants. Shaking his head, Bardock reached into his coat pocket and produced a brightly polished fork.

"Here." he grunted as he proffered the tableware to his son. "I think you forgot one of these when you ran off earlier."

Goku's eyes lit up marvelously as he grasped the offering and happily thanked his father. Now he could eat his cake!

"I'll leave the window in my study unlocked," Bardock told his son, "since you seem to want to avoid some of our guests, you can sneak in that way. But don't get mud on my carpet, alright?"

"Yes sir!" Goku grinned, delighted by the prospect of climbing through yet another window. "Hey Dad, do you think I could become a ninja?"

"You'd have to wear shoes." Bardock paused.

"Screw it then."

"Good night son." Bardock chuckled as he turned and began walking back toward the house.

"Night!" The young Son called after him as he watched his father stride away. Then, fork and cake in hand, Goku settled in and decided he would set about making up for his stomach's poor performance at dinner that evening.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it!

R&R Please =D


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Raditz wasn't really what you would call a good big brother. Of course, he wasn't really an evil one either. Well, to be honest, he was probably a bit of both. He just couldn't help himself at times. Mayhem and chaos were just so very entertaining to him, and his little brother was such an easy target. It was like he had a big flashing sign over his head that said "I'm a gullible and unsuspecting goof, please mess with me." It would be a crime if Raditz didn't fool with him a bit. Right?

On the other hand, when his younger sibling got himself into some desperate bind, as Kakarott was wont to do, Raditz couldn't help but feel an equally compelling urge to bail him out. It was like watching a hapless kitten getting tangled in a ball of yarn. Even if you hate cats with a passion, somehow you can't help but want to give the little guy a hand. That's not to say that Raditz saw any kind of resemblance between adorable baby kittens and his clumsy younger brother, but somehow he felt the idea was kind of the same. Maybe, sort of, if you didn't think about too much…

Well, regardless of all that, Raditz was, for the moment, in his 'good big brother' mode. As he sat on a comfortably overstuffed chair in his room, glass of wine in hand, he was trying concoct a plan to rejoin the ill-fated lovers, Bluma and Yamcha. If only he could somehow effect a reconciliation between those two, then he would be able to deliver his sibling from being shackled to a buxomly yet soul-devouring bride he could never hope to handle or escape from. Though the thought now occurred to Raditz that, even if his brother were to give Bulma the slip, Kakarott would most likely end up getting railroaded by the next woman he met. The boy had simply no defenses in this area, he realized. Maybe it would be better if he just let Bulma have the kid, Raditz mused. It would save Raditz a lot of work and a helplessly naïve guy like Goku was basically doomed to be eaten up by some sly man-hunting female anyway. Why fight the inevitable? At least if it was Bulma, Kakarot would have something pretty to look at while he wasted away in misery.

It was just as Radtiz was beginning to get lost in these sorts of thoughts that he heard what sounded like a small elephant stampeding its way up the stairs outside his room. Then, just as he was rising up to go investigate the matter, his bedroom door was thrown open and his panicked looking little brother burst in. With raised brow, Raditz watched as Kakarott whirled around, slammed the door shut, and hurriedly bolted the lock. The reason for this frantic action was soon apparent when the sound of a second baby elephant stampeding towards his room reached Raditz's ears. This sound was immediately followed by the din of someone vigorously pounding at the door. The offending party was hammering away with such enthusiasm that, for a brief moment, Raditz found himself wondering if the poor wooden structure would hold.

"Goku! Let me in this minute!" Yamcha, the second baby elephant, bellowed in an enraged but slightly slurred voice. Apparently, the ballplayer had found the liquor cabinet.

"I got sum'in to say to you!" He thundered as he pounded still more forcefully on the door.

"No!" Goku hollered back. The shaken young man felt an odd impulse to add 'not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin,' but he managed to control it. Yamcha was huffing and puffing enough as it was.

Raditz, in the meantime, seemed to find the situation quite amusing and had returned to relaxing happily in a chair with his wine. He had, for a second or two, contemplated opening the door. However, the ensuing ruckus would probably be more of an inconvenience than a source of entertainment he decided.

"An explanation if you don't mind, little brother?" he queried sardonically. "Why has our dear pumpkin-headed and cacophonous friend got his shorts wound in such a knot? I mean outside of you stealing his fiancée and all."

"Ah, no… he's still on about that. He just happened to catch me in the passage way as I was sneaking back to my room." Goku panted and wiped so sweat from his brow. "So, how was your evening?"

"Better than yours." Raditz shrugged.

"Probably so." Goku huffed as he slumped to the floor. "I think I'll just crash here for a bit until it's safe."

"Be my guest." Raditz invited carelessly. "Though, I do hope your drunken friend retires soon. His bellows are going to give me a headache before long."

It was only a few short moments later when the brothers heard another familiar voice shouting in the hallway.

"Boys!" a strong rich echo rattled the walls.

"Mother?" Raditz rose to his feet in surprise.

"Open this door!" Fasha commanded.

"What?" Goku squeaked in terror. Surely his mother was jesting. "B-but Yamcha…"

Fasha frowned outside the door and looked over at the slightly confused, half-drunk, man teetering beside her.

"What the heck do think you're doing, you halfwit?" She snapped at him, her eyes flashing with fire. Yamcha quickly stumbled backwards.

"If you don't get your sorry hide upstairs and into bed in the next thirty seconds I'm going to make a rug out of you!" She stormed impatiently. "Who taught you how to behave? Keep making a fuss like that in my house and you'll be sleeping in the garden shed! Now move it!"

Wide-eyed and shaken, Yamcha nodded and scrambled frantically down the hall without so much as a whimper of protest.

Then without a word, but plenty of fear, Raditz hesitantly opened the door to reveal a disheveled looking and flustered Fasha.

"Boys! We've got trouble!" She huffed as she charged in and promptly commandeered Raditz's chair and wine.

"What's wrong?" Goku asked while his brother pouted.

"It's Turles!" Fasha announced as she drained her glass.

"Uncle Turles?" Goku queried hesitantly.

"Of course you numskull, as if there could be any other." Raditz chided and smacked him in the back of the head.

"He's coming for a visit tomorrow," Fasha continued, ignoring the bickering, "at your father's request."

"It is, admittedly, always a regrettable occurrence when relatives come to visit, but it's hardly a crisis, Mother." Raditz shrugged indifferently.

"No you don't understand." Fasha shook her head excitedly. "Your father asked him to come here because that old dragon Baba want's him to appraise her diamond broach. It was listed as being worth about $700,000 when she bought it at auction last year, but that woman is convinced that it must be worth more."

"Ah," Raditz nodded knowingly. "So, since Uncle Turles is the president of a very prestigious chain of high-end jewelry retailers, and is an expert on gems, she wants him to take a look at it."

"That's right." His mother sighed. "The only trouble is that the thing isn't worth the price of the box holding it."

"Come again?" The two brothers frowned in unison.

"It's like this." Fasha rubbed her forehead tiredly and began to explain. It turns out that in addition to being a creepy, perverted old man, Roshi was also a downright crook. Though he was more or less completely under his sister's thumb, he still had some bad habits and was terrible with money. About six months ago he had lost a very large amount of money in gambling. Unknown to Baba, he sold off her $700,000 broach to pay the debt and had a high quality replica made in its stead. Until this evening, he had been unaware of her plans to have it appraised.

"You see the trouble of course," Fasha sighed. "Turles will take one look at that thing and know it's not worth beans. Even worse, he'll tell Baba, and happily too. That man just loves to be the bearer of bad news."

"All very heart breaking of course." Raditz frowned in confusion. "But pray tell what it has to do with us?"

"After your father told him about Turles and the appraisal, Roshi was a wreck, as you can imagine." His mother got up and began pacing the room. "So tonight, he came to me, told me the whole stupid story, and demanded I do something about it or else he would call off the whole business deal with Bardock. Somehow, we have to keep Baba from finding out the truth about her 'priceless diamond' broach."

"How are we supposed to do that?" Goku asked in puzzlement. The room grew silent as the three of them stared blankly at each other.

Roughly forty-five minutes later, they still were without a plan. Fasha insisted that this deal was far too important to Bardock for her to just sit back and let it fall apart. At the moment though, she really had no idea how to stop that from happening. The only things that the three of them had agreed on so far were that they couldn't tell Bardock about the matter, that killing Roshi, though very satisfying, probably would not fix anything, and that they shouldn't use any idea supplied by Goku. Raditz and Fasha didn't know just what the answer they needed was yet, but they were certain it didn't involve food, plastic swords, or hamsters. Goku wasn't so sure. But if they didn't manage to come up with another plan soon then, hey!

"What if we just called Uncle Turles and asked him not to come?" Goku sighed finally.

"Your father asked him _to_ come, there's no way I can uninvite him now." Fasha shook her head firmly. "But if Baba finds out, all the work that Bardock has put in to this deal for the last six months will be for nothing." Her face took on a pained expression at the thought. Only she knew how much her husband wanted this project to work out. It was his pet, his pride, and his baby. He had slaved over it for months, overcome countless hurdles, pulled infinite strings, and, perhaps the most difficult part, suffered through endless mind-numbing meetings and dinners with the dreadful brother and sister pair, all to bring his plans to fruit. There was no way this side of the gates of Hades that Fasha was about to let some sunglasses-wearing old fool mess all of that up. She had her pride as a wife to uphold after all!

Goku knit his brow together in frustration as he struggled to come up with a plan. He really wished to help his mother but he wasn't much good at this sort of thing. There had to be a way to keep Uncle Turles from telling Baba the truth about her diamonds.

"Well if we can't stop Uncle Turles from coming to see the broach, we'll just have to stop the broach from seeing Uncle Turles." Raditz declared excitedly and jumped to his feet. His mother and brother looked at him in confusion. Well, Goku's baffled look was to be expected.

"Please explain, dear." Fasha said as she too rose to her feet.

"It's quite simple really." Raditz grinned and rubbed his hands together happily. "If we can't get rid of X well just have to remove Y, temporarily of course." Fasha's eyes lit up and a small feline smile spread slowly across her lips.

"Now, that just might work." She purred thoughtfully, a delicious grin on her face. "If Roshi were to cooperate with us a little."

"Kakarott should be able to manage it." Raditz said, as he looked his younger sibling over.

Goku looked back and forth between the two uncomfortably. They were both wearing the same 'cat-that-ate-the-canary' expressions and he had a disturbing notion that he was the canary. Shifting nervously in his seat, Goku did his best to ignore the nagging feeling in his stomach that warned him that something unpleasant was about to happen to him.

"Congratulations, little brother." Raditz walked over and clapped him on the back.

"F-for what?" Goku stuttered apprehensively.

"Why, you've entered into a new trade." Raditz smirked.

"What trade?" Goku swallowed and tried to sink lower into his chair.

A mischievous laugh filled the room as Fasha stepped over to her youngest son and bent down to face him.

"Why, burglary, my dear." She smiled slyly.

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Hope you enjoyed it, please R&R =D


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